My best friend and I share a lot of things – clothes, beauty products, bar tabs – but one thing we most definitely do not share is boyfriends. It’s an unspoken rule, but exes and former flames are off-limits.
Why? Personally, I find it a tad bit disrespectful. If my best friend were to ever start dating one of my exes after we broke up, it would mean two things: First, that she’d obviously been harboring feelings for him the whole time I was dating him. And second, that whatever it was that caused my ex and me to break up clearly doesn’t matter that much to her. So much for loyalty! (Ho’s before bro’s, ladies!).
I feel the same way when it comes to dating any of my ex’s best friends. I wouldn’t want to be responsible for ruining a bromance or coming between lifetime buddies. There are plenty of fish in the sea, so there’s no reason for me to go swimming amongst his school of fish – or my best friend’s. The guilt and awkwardness that would surely ensue hardly seem worth it.
But when it comes to matters of the heart, you can’t always pick and choose who you fall for. Sometimes you just can’t help the way you feel, and if it could mean finding your true love, shouldn’t you just go for it and hope everyone involved will understand? In other words, is there ever an exception to the Best Friend Code?
Sally*, 28, from Michigan, had been dating Jack* for four-and-a-half years, through college and graduate school. Their relationship was a serious one, but while Sally was busy getting her degree, Jack was passing the time hanging out with Sally’s BFF, Alexis*.
“Neither Alexis nor I had any idea that this would be a problem,” Sally says. “We trusted Jack and each other.” But one day, Jack dropped a bomb on both girls: He was leaving Sally… because he was in love with Alexis.