Manhattan psychologist Dr. Joseph Cilona says Phoenix and her literary soul mate are onto something. “Dreaming about other men can actually be a powerful way for women to use their minds for better sex with their own partners. Like many things we do, practice makes perfect.”
Margaret*, 36, says, “When I was pregnant with twins I had very erotic dreams. In one, I was ‘with’ George Clooney and my husband at the same time. I shared the details with my husband. He was intrigued that I was having such uninhibited dreams, and he used them to his advantage.”
But does all this dreaming with special guest stars mean that we secretly desire other men in real life? “In some cases yes,” says dream expert and author Lauri Quinn Loewenberg, of thedreamzone.com. “You can’t help the attraction. Better to keep it safe and in your head than the alternative! But in most cases, naughty dreams of other men actually have nothing to do with sex at all.”
In other words, while our dreams probably don’t mean we really want to cheat, we shouldn’t necessarily just laugh them off and look forward to the next slumber party with Clive or George (or both!). Our dreams come from our pretty little heads, which, according to Loewenberg, means they have something to tell us.
For example, Paige, 33, (with her husband for six years, married for nearly three) has had sexy dreams about Brian Williams and Eric Dane (which she describes as “very McSteamy”). But she also once had a dream about President Obama. “There was no funny business, but our relationship was very intimate – kind of like he was my husband,” she says. “He was taking care of me, but no sex.”
In this case, says Loewenberg, Obama most likely represents Paige’s own power and ability to “preside” over her life: “He was taking care of her, which suggests she has a good relationship with her inner boss.”
Hmmm. Now if I could just figure out what Clive Owen represents to me. Maybe I should go take a nap ….
Do you dream about men other than your partner?
*Name has been changed.
April Daniels Hussar is BettyConfidential’s Deputy Editor.