Is it OK to Have Sex on a First Date?

Back by popular demand: you guys loved this article on whether or not it's OK to have sex on the first date.
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Is it OK to Have Sex on a First Date?

Back by popular demand: you guys loved this article on whether or not it’s OK to have sex on the first date.

-Carrie Seim

Couple in bed

We’ve heard it all our lives. From dating experts, magazines and our own grandmas: If you sleep with a guy on a first date, he’ll never want a serious relationship with you. Men love the chase, these dating oracles claim. Boys lose interest in girls they win too easily, they warn. And, they insist, men won’t buy the cow when they’re getting the Soy Joy for free.

But guess what? Those authors, dating experts and even sweet old Gram may have had our best interests at heart, but they’ve been spreading vicious lies.

BettyConfidential asked men around the country what they really think about first-date sex. The truth? They love it! (Big shocker, we know.) More surprisingly, none of the men said first-date sex would stop them from having a serious relationship with a woman. In fact, nearly every guy we spoke to said he’d had at least one long-term relationship with a woman he slept with on a first date.

Now, we’re not suggesting you run out and bang the first guy in line at Starbucks this morning. (Unless that’s your cup of joe.) But if you hit it off the first night with some lucky guy, don’t feel bad if your goodnight kiss melts into a morning-after smooch. (Just remember your safety gear if you plan on stealing home base.)

Read 5 Biggest First-Time Sex Mistakes

Yes, there will always be a few unscrupulous fellows who love you and leave you. But at least you’ll know up front they’re not worth your time – or your thousand thread-count sheets. Most men, however, say that when they really like a girl, first-date sex certainly isn’t going to taint their feelings for her. Quite the contrary, in fact…

Men Hate the Game, Not the Player
“It’s practically a prerequisite for dating me,” a 31-year-old engineer from Boston tells BettyConfidential. “I don’t want to date a girl who’s prudish or plays games – unless they’re the kinky kind.” He says he’s had two relationships resulting from first-date sex. One lasting six months, the other lasted two years. He says he usually finds women who don’t have sex on the first or second date “borrrring.”

A 26-year-old actor from Los Angeles says he never judges his dates based on the timing of their first sleepover. “I had sex on the first date with a girl and it turned into a two-year live-in relationship,” he explains. “It led me to believe that it’s more about the chemistry between people than following The Rules.”


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26 thoughts on “Is it OK to Have Sex on a First Date?

  1. kitty says:

    Hmmmm. I’m not convinced. But regardless of what the guys say — there’s another reason to postpone sex for at least a few dates — it’s so much fun to build up the anticipation! That’s a sexy, new relationship feeling that, if things end up working out and you fall madly in love and get married, you’ll theoretically never experience again!

  2. FBNYC says:

    Haha good article Carrie!

  3. luckyxo says:

    Guys totally judge you on when you sleep with them…

  4. luv2trvl says:

    I think the best take away from this article is to put your true feelings ahead of playing any games. If you want to sleep with a guy on the first date because you have great chemistry, then go for it. I’m marrying the guy I slept with on a first date over two years ago.

  5. cremebrulee67 says:

    Well, I did not have sex with my husband on the first date, i waited until the second date which was the day after our first date and we have been together every day since and are happily married. I think it just depends on the two people involved and what they if they want a relationship and what they want from a relationship. Screw all the dad-gum rules! It isn’t game time.

  6. mynxbaby says:

    NO, that is what lose women and men do. It is not right. They lose respect and it takes out all the fun of when the time is right.

  7. jessica03 says:

    i would stay away on the first date just cause i would want him to chase after me and want MORE of me. I’m not saying that it’s wrong or bad to have sex on the first date, but if youre looking for a long term relationship, then

  8. Jackie Hayes says:

    I think that when I get into dating guys for just a one night stand I would. But then I think wouldn’t you want to know if he’s safe or if he’s a rapist If he has any Std’s? If I thought that we would get together later on I would at least get to know him and his back ground and then have sex with him. But then again… if your that horny and sexually deprived just put it on him like there’s no tomorrow.

  9. Thatguy says:

    I highly doubt that having sex on a first date occurs a lot.If 100 guys/girls were asked, the number would seem low to me. I’m 30, a male, and I can’t possibly imagine other than a total booty call, saying to my date after our first dinner or drinks “Hey, let’s skip dessert and go to my place”. I’d hope to get slapped if I were that sleazy and cheesy. The men interviewed in this seem pretty sleazy too. The engineer in Boston who says it’s a prerequisite….might actually get married when he stops having it as one, and the 26 yr old actor who doesn’t “judge” his dates if they sleep with him on the first date (no duh) falls into the same category. Of course if we like the person at first glance or after 30 minutes we’d like to bed them, but one night of passionate sex, does not make for a long term relationship…in my opinion. And trust me I’m not one who thinks people need to wake to have sex before marriage either…that’s ridiculous too.

  10. tyqndo says:

    I am the mother of 4 girls (three teenagers). I want more for my girls than to be a “booty call” and for some man/boy to “tap that a**”. Women should hold themselves to higher standards and then the men would too. If more women weren’t sleeping around nowadays the men wouldn’t be expecting to “get it” on the first date or the second date.
    It is not ridiculous to wait until marriage. It used to be the norm. We as a society have let ourselves go in so many ways and I don’t see that it has benefited anyone.

  11. esolkneerod says:

    I think the guys in this article are lying. They’re in favor of first-date sex because they like sex.

  12. slam64 says:

    I have slept with men on first dates and the last guy I did that with is now my husband of almost 19 years! It’s not always a bad thing to do!!!

  13. Blackula says:

    Yeah its ok to have sex on a first date. If the feelings are right then do it, waiting just because of some old folklure seems silly and counter-productive. As a single guy not currently in a serious relationship right now, if a woman gives me the impresiion by what she says and does that she is not gonna sleep with me on the first day because “it’s the first date”, I would probably lose interest. I’t not a deal breaker not to have sex on the first date, but if a woman feels like it and does it, I would not think any less of her.

  14. zodiak says:

    I have had relationships that started after sex on a first date. I have also had long term relationships that started off as a fling. He and I didn’t have sex immediately but we had already talked about it not having the possibility of becoming long term because of his work. It started off with wild sex and somehow after almost 2 years we are still going strong.
    For everyone talking about the bible….READ…that is all I can really tell you. In bible times a man had to take a woman as his wife if he took her virginity. There was no ceremony to it. It was his duty to take her home and treat her as a wife if he had sex with her. Times have changed people. If a man went and found a woman outside alone and had sex with her now it would most likely be called rape and she sure as hell wouldn’t want to marry the guy. Read and study the bible before you use it as your objection! After that study the history of the bible.

  15. katethegreat says:

    I really hate to break it to you all, but it can and DOES happen and it does not negate the possibility of a meaningful relationship. My husband and I had first date sex (it was amazing!) and we’ve been together for 4 years now. We just knew we were right for each other from the beginning. You know the old expression “When you know, you know”? Its true.

    Am I advocating sleeping around and women not respecting themselves? Not at all, but if the chemistry is right, and its 2 consenting adults; by all means, Godspeed!

  16. Dombwana says:

    Sex on the first or on the second date it is still sex. I would like to advise my fellow guys to better know somebody before endulging in anything coz nowadays there are STDs and HIV / AIDS. Condoms are there but you can make a mistake. Get to know a person better that’s when you can ………

  17. Dombwana says:

    Sex on the first or on the second date it is still sex. I would like to advise my fellow guys to better know somebody before endulging in anything coz nowadays there are STDs and HIV / AIDS. Condoms are there but you can make a mistake. Get to know a person better that's when you can ………

  18. jkantor says:

    (Only with me – otherwise you’re a slut!) I like the guy they talk to – he had two “long-term” relationships with girls he slept with on the first date – one of six months and one of two years. First, any relationship that doesn’t last for the rest of your life isn’t “long-term” – it’s a mistake. Second, the reason they ended is the same reason almost all relationships end today – they are based on nothing more than sexual attraction and ego gratification – both of which fade so quickly it’s almost impossible for anything deeper to develop. And that brings up the third point – six months should be the prerequisite for sleeping together. It takes that long to build the emotional trust and closeness that a real relationship should be based on.

  19. WikkidLilGrrrl says:

    i have (ashamed to admit) had sex on the very first date….it lead to a broken up relationship 6 months later…but he didnt dump me immediately after, he said he wasnt like other guys…i guess in that way..but in every other way….eh lol

  20. weetziebat says:

    Don’t do it. The cliche is true: You’ll hate yourself in the morning. Of course, if you find someone who’s truly a sophisticated adult and won’t treat you like a tramp, that’s a different story. But those people are very rare.

  21. blondeelicious says:

    If YOU want to, for the right reasons, then why not? It’s all about your choice… I don’t think purposely waiting just to seem serious is any good, I’m a very sexual person and I tried that and it didn’t work out for me.. if the sex isn’t good then I don’t want to waste my time getting to know him otherwise, I’m sorry. That’s my personality. Also, the last guy I had first date sex with is the guy I’ve been with for over a year and just moved in with… he’s my soulmate! Don’t play the game just to try to achieve certain results, just do what’s right for you and see how it works out. Either way, at least you’re being true to you which is always a win win situation :)

  22. paminri says:

    I’m 60,yet people take me for 45-50 and I’m usually attracted to younger men (please don’t call me a cougar;if you have to call me anything I prefer puma)and vice versa. Here’s where the sticky wicket comes in. I was told (repeatedly by an abusive mother)if you have sex on the 1st date you’ll never hear from them again, but the rest of the community will know you’re a slut!! Obviously, I realize my mother was certifiable, BUT I still have trouble if I am invited over to a guy’s house (a person I’ve spoken to and seen several times in casual settings),we start “making out” and because of delicious chemistry we both want more.Then comes THE QUESTION…should I or shouldn’t I. I usually lapse into the usual mantra, “I don’t feel comfortable doing it the first time; this isn’t even a date; I don’t want to be just 1 more notch in your belt, etc.” Of course in the meantime I discover he’s got a Ph.D in kissing and I’m so wet I’m starting to slide off the sofa!!! I think I’ve actually had sex on the first “whatever” about 3 times in my entire life (thanks,Mom)!! If I grab the bull by the horns(ahem)I’m not sure if I’m a successful, self-assured horney woman who could care less what people say OR just a slut having casual sex. I think my main worry is if it’s good I’ll want it again and find out when I see this person again that ,YUP!;it was one night stand. Being here only 11 mos.and being transferred to another state in the next month, I suppose I could go wild and figure, “Hey, so what! I’m gone in a month anyway!” Although, I’ve been successful until now in deterring the BIG QUESTION, with all sorts of delay tactics such as, “how about a massage? let’s just keep kissing..wow you’re an incredible kisser; ok I’ll just lay here and talk to you while you “do your thing”, I met “mr. lurker”(he’s just been watching me for months, yet never actually asking me over). The man drove me absolutely crazy with desire, yet I was STILL able to go home without any OP,VP,or AP.Of course when I got home I literally blew the batteries out of my massager, when in fact I had wanted to blow this man’s mind!! I’m pretty sure I’ll be seeing him again tonight when I play in the pool league. So here we go again with the same dilemma!! The absolutely worst part is he knows MY name and he’s told me his over the past few months, but my mine is a complete blank!!I suppose the worst thing about 1st night sex is #1 he’s absolutley terrible in bed, and #2 he won’t acknowledge me the next time I see him. Hmmmm….pa-leezw don’t tell me my mother was right!!

  23. pogmathoin says:

    I’ve had relationships form from first date sex. However, they weren’t nearly as satisfying as the ones that formed after we waited to get to know each other before jumping in bed. If some jerk says that he won’t invest the time to get to know me now, then it’s his loss. I have more respect for myself, and for a guy, if he will wait until we both feel ready. If that makes me boring I can live with it.

  24. orbit says:

    I had to register here just to provide a Male perspective. When I was dating, most girls would play hard to get – and that was very exciting. There were a few easy girls where the chase was over before the night was through. Sure I saw them again, a few times but the truth is, my heart closed to these girls just as soon as the train pulled out of the station (if you know what I mean). I saw them again only to have fun and score again – but the relationship was dead on arrival. Guys are logical and the logic is this: If she’s that easy with me, without even really getting to know me, why would she stay with me? Slutz are slutz ~ so go ahead and have fun, but don’t expect the guy to stick around. Playing it hard to get is not only the right thing to do, it’s the only way into a guys heart…

  25. loganbesties says:

    HELLO I just wanted to say thank you so much for doing this for me and many others. At the beginning of the break up I felt like I would never love again and that my life has ended. Thanks to all your advice, I now have the courage to face every new day. My heart has healed tremendously and I feel like I can now really move on. If it wasn’t for your words then I would probably still be in that dark place of my life. Thank you, thank you!”drlawrencespelltemple@hotmail. com

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