Chomping for Change
Joe Biden’s inaugural teeth – gleam we can believe in!
Ah, Joe. Joe, Joe, Joe. If there is anything about this new administration we can believe in, it has got to be your pimp smile. I mean, what are those? Veneers? They have to be. It’s okay, I don’t care, with teeth like that, you can be my Vice President any day.
With their own Web site, Biden’s teeth have embarked on what could be one of the greatest missions of our generation: Restore the teeth of our youth to the glory of his own by teaching them that tooth decay is “a matter of national security,” and that we “must unite Democrats and Republicans for the conservation of our most precious resource.” (Who needs a Nobel prize for world peace – this is where it’s at, kids!)
JoeBidensTeeth.com isn’t just rhetoric – no, no – it’s full of useful tools. Explore the “Brushing Tips” section to learn how to score your very own Biden-perfect teeth (and find out where the grit is. Hint: it’s not in your gums.) View a slideshow chronicling the tremendous journey of Joe’s teeth — once you’ve seen this, you’ll wonder why Biden’s molars don’t have their own chapter in Kennedy’s Profiles in Courage. And finally, commit to memory the Battle Hymn of hygiene.
Mark my words, friends, the day will come when we will do battle with our brushes. And on that day, this hymn may be what carries us to victory, and brings pimp teeth to the world over. Even Britain.
After all, the 211 (and counting!) members of your Facebook group can’t be wrong.