I’m Losing It!
Calling Lexus: Mama Wants A Brand New Car
Will a luxury mobile quiet my screamin’ demon?
When I had my third kid, I thought carting him around in the minivan would be a breeze. I figured I’d toss him into the car seat, shove the pacifier in his mouth and away we’d go, off to The Little Gym, preschool, Einstein’s Bagels … you know, the places the young moms hang.
It didn’t go so smoothly. That little babe hated the car. I mean HATED it. He cried and screamed and howled every time I buckled his sister and brother in and then locked him in afterward. But I had places to go, people to see, things to do! No way was I going to sit at home looking at three kids and four walls all day long. Not me. I had a life.
Fast forward seven years. Now I’ve got a fifth grader, a fourth grader, and that little screamin’ demon is in first grade. He got over that crying jag soon after he was able to switch from rear-facing to front-facing but something odd has recently occurred. He’s crying in the car again.
He hates riding in the car again. I mean HATES it. As soon as his brother and sister buckle themselves in, and I tell him to get into his booster and buckle up, the whining starts.
“I hate this car! We need a new car!”
“I have a headache!”
“Why do I always have to go places in this car all the time?”
And then he starts crying, which causes his brother and sister to start moaning.
I yell from the driver’s seat: “Yeah, well do you think it thrills me to have to drive you guys all over town to soccer and football practice and to Target to use up all of your birthday gift cards?! This ain’t fun for me either, you know! I’m not doing this because I’m exactly enjoying MYSELF!”
I complain to my husband that I can’t take it anymore, that our son’s crying and whining is driving me crazy. I tell him I’d rather pay a babysitter 10 bucks and leave our son at home while I run these errands so I can have sanity in the car. He quips, “Well, he never complains when he’s in the car with me. In fact, he loves when I take him out.”
My reply: “Well, maybe it’s because you’re driving a smooth shiny Lexus with a sunroof and I have to kick my freakin’ automatic doors six times to get them to open up! Do you think that has anything to do with it?!”
I’m losing it and I deserve a new car and a muzzle to keep my kid from screaming in the car! Lexus, do you make a minivan?