What Would Debbie Do?
I have been in this relationship for over 13 years. We are not married, and he is ten years older than me (I just turned 30 and he is 40). He is always tired, and never wants to do anything these days. I am so tired of being in the house, and it’s also the same with our sex life. He wants it when he does. But often if I want it, I’m out of luck. What can we do? I really love this man, but I need love also. And I want to still have fun and go out and do things. Please help!
–Thanks, Patty Mosso
You began your relationship when you were merely a child. And now that you’ve turned 30, things are beginning to look different. That’s not surprising. We tend to mature, change, and value different things as we become adults, and discover who we are. I’m not saying that you and your boyfriend are no longer compatible, I’m just saying you’re probably experiencing a shift in lifestyle, needs, and general compatibility. Think hard about what the next few years mean to you-what do you want from your career? Do you want children? How do you envision your life, now that you’re a bonified adult?
This is a difficult time, as there are many unanswered questions for you, and your future. It’s not as simple as figuring out when to go out, and when to stay home. You need to seriously evaluate your life, and where you want it to go, and you need to have some substantive conversations with your boyfriend. I’m sure together you’ll be able to figure out what’s important, what you both want, and whether or not you’re good for each other, for the long haul.
That’s what I would do.