What Would Debbie Do?
My Boyfriend Continues to Provide for His Ex-Wife
My boyfriend of 1 1/2 years continues to let his ex-wife and her two kids live in his second home for free. He pays ALL of the utilities. This is not a court order. He says he does it for the kids. Yet, when he gets upset with her, he is ready to throw her out. I just can’t get a grip. I hate the idea of him taking care of another woman—who also has other guys “helping her out”. They have been divorced 10 years!! Am I wrong to expect him to cut the cord?? What is the best way to approach this?
This is a hot-bed for you.
Speaking out about a situation that involves an ex-wife and kids will do nothing but create turmoil and resentment in your relationship. I don’t care how right you are, it’s a lose-lose proposition for you. So the question becomes, “Can you accept it?” If not, move on. It will most likely never change.
But for the record, my thoughts, are this: it doesn’t bother me that he helps his ex-wife, who is the mother of his children. That is an honorable and generous thing to do, and I don’t think you should get in the middle of that. However, the fact that he uses that help to try and manipulate her to behave in a certain way-even threatening to throw her out-suggests he is still angry with her and wants to control the situation. That alone is frightening, and you should take note. He still has not gotten over this relationship. And his punitive behavior just confirms this.