ASK REAL GUYS
Is He a Gluten for Punishment?
Dear ASK REAL GUYS: I have been dating a guy for about six months now who was engaged just 3 years ago. The woman he was involved with stole money (around 20 grand) from him and dumped him. Now he and I are happily dating but he says he still loves her even though he has no intentions of trying to be with her. The fact that he still loves her is making it hard for him to say we are ‘officially’ dating.
I just wonder how a guy can still have strong feelings for an ex that has apparently been pretty terrible to him. I have told him I have no problem with being as patient as he needs, but I just don’t understand.
Steven: I don’t understand either. The famed old comic Groucho Marx said, “He would never want to join a club that would have him as a member.”
Maybe he doesn’t value himself enough to appreciate what a catch you are. Maybe he is not telling the truth and has twisted the story to the point so you will be sympathetic to him and wait around while he has fun with other women. Who knows the real answer but this is definitely red-flag city.
My recommendation is to have a conversation, seek clarity of understanding, and make requests for what you want. Remember often when things are not clear it is a sign that more is going on than meets the eye. If you value yourself take a stand for what you want and what you deserve. If you don’t, who will?