Week in Review
Mean Betty on Peter King (Who?), Morgan Freeman, Lindsay Lohan and Gwyneth Paltrow
Highlights of the week!
How To Become Famous in 30 Minutes or Less
Mean Betty would like to send out a special salute to N.Y. Congressman Peter King, the heretofore totally obscure and unknown politician who’s been on a media blitz blasting the … media … for the incessant coverage of Michael Jackson. Why the salute, you say, for someone viciously attacking a recently deceased man whose family – and children – are still in mourning, and before he was even laid to rest? Well, have YOU ever heard of Peter King before? Of course not! But you certainly have now! He may be a small potatoes politician, but he’s cottoned on in a masterful way to the technique of insta-relevance! The secret formula? Take the biggest pop culture story of the minute, add one polarizing statement (or in King’s case, a super 2.0-savvy YouTube video!), and … voila! Instant publicity boost! (See also: Sarah Palin and Miss California; Dr. Phil and Octomom.)
Say It Ain’t So, Grandpa!
As you all know, Mean Betty just HATES to spread nasty rumors … but … Mean Betty has been patiently waiting for a statement from 72-year-old Morgan Freeman denying his (alleged?) affair with his 27-year-old step-granddaughter. PATIENTLY. But, so far … nada. And now the National Enquirer (which, let’s face it, broke the story of John Edwards’ little “indiscretion”) tells us wedding bells are in store for the lovebirds? Mean Betty shudders to think. On the other hand – shades of incest don’t seem to have hurt Woody Allen’s career. Hmm.
Leave Lindsay A-Lohan!
Now, you all know, as much as Mean Betty hates to spread rumors, Mean Betty also hates to make snap judgments about our dear celebrities … HOWEVER. Mean Betty is truly beginning to have a niggling suspicion (and please, my dears, tell Mean Betty if she is out of line here!) … but just the teeniest little notion that Lindsay Lohan may be … something of an … exhibitionist?
What do you think, pets? Is Mean Betty going overboard here?
(Or could it just be that LiLo – her acting career a distant memory – is pondering next steps? Perhaps a career change? Maybe as an artists’ model, Playboy centerfold, hostess at a nudist colony … )
Gwyneth Paltrow and Her Colon
Oh darling Gwynnie … you are just so, so odd.
The Goopier-than-thou actress reveals in her latest newsletter (and tell Mean Betty, pets, does anyone subscribe to Goop for other than pure malicious entertainment?):
“I am finishing the amazing three-week-long ‘Clean’ detox program. I feel pure and happy and much lighter”
What is it with her infatuation with “detoxing”? What is it that she DOES that requires such rigorous purging? Why IS it that we need to be on such intimate terms with her colon? Inquiring minds want to know!
“I dropped the extra pounds that I had gained during a majorly [sic] fun and delicious ‘relax and enjoy life phase’ about a month ago.”
Heaven forbid – “relax and enjoy life”?! No! What is there to enjoy about your life, Gwynnie? Your zillions of dollars? Your stardom? Your rock-star husband and beautiful, healthy children? God no! Purge, Gwynnie, you fattie! Purge!
A Parting Thought
Speaking of Michael Jackson, Mean Betty was just talking with Grandma Mean Betty who said, “Just like Elvis, honey, it was one hell of a good career move!”
Until we meet again, my pets!