Mean Betty on David Beckham's Performance Anxiety

Imagining an evening at home with Tom and Katie, Posh and Becks, and special guest.

Mean Betty on David Beckham’s Performance Anxiety

Imagining an evening at home with Tom and Katie, Posh and Becks, and special guest.

-Mean Betty

David Beckham

Poor Becks! Imagine being married to the artist formerly known as Posh Spice and having all those actor-types as your couple-BFFs. Dear, sweet, shy David doesn’t mind having his package displayed larger than life on billboards around the country, but it seems he does dread “game night” with his famous pals like the Cruises and the Longoria-Parkers.

Read 10 Guys With the Hottest Abs in Hollywood reports that Becksy-poo told George Lopez on Lopez Tonight:

“Eva’s got this whole thing and Tony about playing games … I get so uncomfortable with crowd participation.”

One particular traumatic night came to mind. That would be the night of the Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes dinner party.

“We were at dinner once with Tom and Katie,” Beckham said of an outing with wife Victoria. ” We sat there and everyone was like, ‘Let’s play a music game — let’s start a singing game.”

Oh darlings, can’t you just see it now? A typical evening at the Cruise estate:

The Beckham boys, dressed in matching blazers, are upstairs being looked after by Tom’s mother and sister, aka Tom’s indentured servants. Eva is balanced perkily on Tony’s knee, petting her giant diamond rings. Victoria is tottering about in 10-inch spike platforms and head-to-toe leather while David gazes wistfully outside at the rolling lawn, imagining a soccer ball and a stage full of drooling, cheering fans …

Suddenly Tom jumps up on the couch: “Let’s karaoke, everyone!”

Katie, dressed in a $900 burlap sack, hurries to get their box-set of Tom’s Greatest Hits and pop the Risky Business video into the million-dollar entertainment system.

Just as Tom is finishing stripping down to his tighty-whiteys, the doorbell rings. Who can it be, kittens? Why, it’s Will and Jada! And they want to play too!

After a rousing group rendition of “Old Time Rock And Roll” with, of course, David as the sole audience member, the gang decides to play charades. Though they are loathe to give up the spotlight, the group feels they must insist on David taking a turn on stage (after all, kittens, that’s what friends are for!).

“But I’m so terrible at charades,” he demurs.

“Don’t worry love – why don’t we just act out our latest Emporio Armani ad,” whispers Victoria. “We’re already in our underwear anyway!”

But wait! What’s that tip-tapping sound? It’s the pitter-patter of tiny high-heels! It must be … Suri Cruise, ladies and gentlemen! In full makeup and her flamenco gown, Suri wants to re-enact her mother’s appearance on So You Think You Can Dance.

The crowd roars. And David, for now, is safe …

Until they pull out the Pictionary set, of course.

Oh those celebs – they really are just like us, aren’t they pets?


Mean Betty

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