Mean Betty on John Mayer, Soothsayer

He has spoken - Twitter is over!

Mean Betty on John Mayer, Soothsayer

He has spoken – Twitter is over!

-Mean Betty

John Mayer

Attention, darlings! It’s time to cancel your Twitter accounts, stop following all those hilarious celebs, and cease thinking of your life in witty 140-character sound bites.

Why, you ask? Because John Mayer, in his infinite wisdom and cultural insight, has deemed Twitter “over.”

Yes, the man who brought us such charming Tweets as “I’m a douchebag, if you could empty one and fill it with Jack Daniels, Smarties and daydreams” has broken his recent self-imposed silence to let the world know he wrestles daily with the agony of deciding whether or not to cancel his Twitter account.

At the ASCAP’s 2010 “I Create Music” Expo, the singer confessed, “Every night I think about canceling my Twitter account because I think it’s pretty much done. I just think Twitter as a form of communication, I think it’s over to be honest with you.”

Oh the demons you grapple with, John Mayer!

Read 10 Reasons John Mayer Should Stop Talking Now

And why the death sentence for Twitter? Well, kittens, apparently it’s a breeding ground for “haters.”

“I can’t tell you how many times I meet people or I’m having dinner with people who write stuff and they get upset they have haters now, like, ‘Why do I want to invent more reasons to have haters?’”

Ah, yes, John, of course without Twitter you would have no “haters”! It’s not as if you go around giving magazine interviews in which you compare your penis to a white supremacist!

Oh, wait …

Well never mind. So, John, what should we all DO instead of Tweeting? What will YOU do?

“I might as well spend that time making a sandwich or building a model ship or something.”

How cute – Mean Betty can’t wait to see all those model ships.

Of course, darlings, don’t tell John, but we all know Twitter is here to stay — at least for now, until something even more technologically advanced comes along, like letting celebrities directly beam their thoughts into our eager little heads. But until that day, how else would celebrities communicate with each other and let us hang on every word?

Without Twitter we’d be deprived of such fascinating things as this online feud between Billy Corgan and Courtney Love, we’d hardly ever get to see Kim Kardashian in a bikini on a yacht, and we’d have to depend on Michael Lohan to let us know what’s going on in Lindsay Lohan’s head! Perish the thought!

However, John Mayer, darling, if you want to cancel YOUR Twitter account, well, Mean Betty is pretty sure your 3 million or so followers will find another purpose for living. One can only hope.


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