The Week in Review
Larry King, Brangelina, American Idol and More
Mean Betty’s Week in Review
Larry King’s Secret Son
Well, well, well … isn’t that interesting, my pets. Larry King revealed yesterday the existence of his “secret” son.
“I knew there was a Larry King Jr. out there, I’d heard that, but I didn’t know he was mine. The marriage was very short and she told me if it’s a boy, I’m gonna name him Larry King Jr. Then I never heard again.”
Um … let’s see … you got married, your wife got pregnant, then she named the baby AFTER YOU … Call Mean Betty CRAZY, but isn’t that the sort of thing you might, you know, make a note of to follow up on? Jot it down on your running to-do list, perhaps? Take car for check-up, call escort service, verify existence of male heir …
Well, pets, none of this is surprising. Larry certainly has other … interests that surely distract from the odd child or two. Let’s just say, dears, that Mean Betty has it on VERY good authority that “Larry King would hit on a broomstick.” With seven marriages under his belt (it took a Mormon woman to finally get him under control), it’s understandable he’d lose track of his various exes and their various progeny, isn’t it? Perfectly understandable.
“I couldn’t call it guilt . . . I don’t know what it is. Maybe a wonderment — but not guilt.” The 75-year-ol stud-muffin told The Post about his reaction to the news.
Well, yes, Larry. It certainly IS “wondrous”! And even more wondrous that you decided to invite Larry Jr. onto your show right as you’re promoting your memoir. Will wonders never cease?!
Mean Betty isn’t much of a reality TV fan (Mean Betty is holding out for the OctomomTM show as complete proof of the utter decline of civilization as we know it), but Mean Betty has been known to take some interest in American Idol. Until now, that is. The American Idol finale – the least watched ever, by the way – was merely a pitiful exercise in desperation. Of course the ending was a “shock” – it’s the equivalent of Pat Boone beating Elvis Presley – how else would they have gotten so much post-show press? Though Mean Betty wouldn’t so much call it a shock as a painful YAWN … the kind that makes one want to immediately go take a nap.
In fact, the only truly compelling moment of the evening occurred when judge Kara DioGuardi astonished even Mean Betty by ripping open her dress to reveal a snappy little black underwear set and a super-toned abdomen. Nothing says class like a 37-year-old woman flaunting her preserved goods next to a nubile young thing with fake boobs, hmmm?
Brad Pitt and Angeline Jolie Are Perfectly Fine Thank You Very Much
Just in case you believed any of those rumors about Brangelina being on the rocks, rest assured … they’ve been photographed BEING AFFECTIONATE IN PUBLIC. So clearly, we can put our minds at ease. Angelina donned vampy red lipstick and what appears to be her nightgown to escort Brad to Cannes, where the couple made a very obvious and public display of affection on the red carpet. NO ROCKS HERE!
Although it is exceedingly rare, there are times when Mean Betty is almost at a loss for words. Almost. Patti Blagojevich, the disgraced former first lady of Illinois, appeared on the Today Show to confirm she’ll be taking her criminal-husband’s place on the “reality” show I’m a Celebrity … Get Me Out of Here.
This lovely lady, paragon of virtue and self-sacrifice, explained:
“In this terrible economic time, I feel it’s necessary to go to work and support my family.”
Yes, because what other choice IS THERE? It’s a decision so many women are facing every day … let your poor children starve OR travel to Costa Rica to exploit your bad name and cause your family even more public humiliation than they’ve already suffered.
Meanwhile, her illustrious husband is soon to be in prison, where Mean Betty imagines he’ll really be saying, “Get me out of here!”
Until next week,