Mean Betty on Miley Cyrus’ Advice for Idols
The teen sensation is going to be dishing out words of wisdom for aspiring American Idols. Here are the do’s and don’ts from her life she should make sure to mention!
Wonderful! Miley Cyrus, she of the boots and short-shorts, is appearing on American Idol this week as a “guest mentor.” Mean Betty loves it! Apparently young Miley will dole out advice to the remaining contestants on Wednesday’s results show. And then she’ll perform her latest hit! Can you stand the suspense? Truly, the mind boggles contemplating the words of wisdom 17-year-old Miley will have to offer forth!
Since Mean Betty is so kind and generous, here’s a list of gems in case Miley needs a refresher course on her very own life lessons …
Miley Cyrus’s Do’s and Don’ts of Being a Famous Teen Sensation!
DO be photographed dressed inappropriately for Vanity Fair.
Sheets make great outfits!
DON’T be picky about who you do duets with, even if like Bret Michaels, they are kind of icky.
And old enough to be your daddy.
And possibly having an affair with your mama.
DO Tweet semi-naked and/ or extremely suggestive picturesof yourself.
Bonus points if they involve a much-older man! (See above.)
And then give up Twitter and tell kids, “Don’t go on the Internet. It’s dangerous, it’s not fun, it wastes your life and you should be outside playing sports or something.”
DON’T under any circumstances act – or dress – your age.
DO grind suggestively against a pole even though most of your fans are preteens.
And then teach your 9-year-old sister to do the same! That’s what mentors are for!
DON’T be afraid to get romantically involved with your co-stars.
DO make sure, once you get involved with your co-stars, to proclaim to the world, via Teen Vogue, how extra “deep” the two of you are.
“I think we’re both deeper than normal people—what they think and how they feel.”
We regular folk like to be told celebrities are better than us!
DON’T be afraid to tell the world how you really feel about country music!
“It scares me … It feels contrived on so many levels. Unless you’re wearing a cowboy hat and cowboy boots and singing and whining about your girlfriend or boyfriend leaving you, it’s not going to sell.” (-Parade Magazine)
Who cares that your daddy made all his moola singing country tunes?!
Plus – people like Carrie Underwood and Taylor Swift will love you!
Did Mean Betty miss anything, kittens? DO tell!