Mean Betty on Sandra and the Press
The score: Sweetheart 1, Wolfpack 0
Every once in a while, kittens, there’s a celebrity story that even Mean Betty can’t be mean about.
Several weeks after her marriage fell apart, Sandra Bullock came back into the spotlight with her newly adopted baby boy, Louis, and a People magazine cover so heartwarming that Mean Betty could not be cynical about it. (Yes, it’s true. Mean Betty does have a small streak of sentimentality. So inconvenient.)
And Americans rejoiced that their sweetheart was moving on from marriage to a charter member of the Skeevy Husbands Hall of Fame into a wonderful new life as a single mother.
But not everyone was happy, my darlings! In the deepest, darkest corners of the gossip industry, where paid informers lurk and any blurry photo snapped with a cell phone can be auctioned for thousands of dollars, the agonized cries could be heard from producers, writers, “reporters” and the fearsome paparazzi:
“Why didn’t we find out about this?”
“How could she do this to us?”
“I wish I knew how she did it – and then maybe I’d learn for the next time!”
“It’s a mystery to me how she avoided us!”
“We got blindsided!”
(Yes, kittens, that brilliant last remark does indeed contain a reference to Sandra’s The Blind Side movie. The media wolfpack is so witty, don’t you agree?)
Mwhahaha! Oh, how Mean Betty laughed! There is nothing like the sight of an agitated “reporter” to warm Mean Betty’s heart.
Of course, Mean Betty knows what went wrong. Les gossipeuses did not pursue the story; they let it come to them. After all, pets, it’s so much easier to tape the sordid allegations of assorted harlots hussies girlfriends than to try to find out what had actually been happening between our sweetheart and her husband.
Had the gossiparazzi (Mean Betty adores making up words!) listened to Sandra talking about kids and motherhood in several interview, they might have picked up, oh, the tiniest clue that she wanted to have a child of her own.
And had they looked past what the stars were wearing on Oscar night, they might have seen a lime-green baby sock fall out of Sandra’s purse. Well, Mean Betty admits that in expecting that, she expected too much. Anyone who has spent time in Beverly Hills (other than nannies) will naturally mistake a lime-green baby sock for a $200 artisan-made change purse shaped like a foot.
In fairness (although Mean Betty so hates to be fair), Sandra did summon all the powers at her disposal to elude her pursuers. Wouldn’t you do the same, kittens? Some gossip rags media outlets have been known to stage round-the-clock stakeouts of their prey. It was perfectly understandable, and adorably cloak-and-dagger, that she used decoys and dark cars to escape.
So, my darlings, what is our lesson for today? Remain positive, my pets! Do all you can to protect yourselves!
And if you become famous, and a scandal ensues, Mean Betty urges you to work out a lucrative cover deal with a respected national magazine.
But that, kittens, is a story for another day.