Susan Boyle, Celebrity Weddings, Octomom and More
Mean Betty’s week in review
Dogs and Susan Boyle
Well, pets, Bo Obama, THE DOG, got his inevitable book deal–faster than even Mean Betty expected! Turns out the book has been in the works for months, just waiting for Bo to actually–you know–EXIST so the enterprising author could pencil in the appropriate illustrations. Apparently it’s “told from Bo’s point of view”–gee, what a thriller. The garishly cheesy illustrations are matched only by its cringe-worthy title (“Commander in Leash,” if you must know). The tome hits shelves next week–faster than little Bo can figure out the tastiest White House furniture to chomp on. Lucky us.
Even sillier than the dog’s book–Mean Betty hears Susan Boyle is after a book deal of her own. Guess she’s not a provincial dummy after all, but really–someone said it best when he quipped it’s more of a short story than a novel. Of course, where there’s a book, there must be a movie. Catherine Zeta-Jones is angling to play Susan, which just may be the most ridiculous thing Mean Betty has heard in a long time. Oh, what a special, special treat to see Catherine gallantly frump herself up, Charlize Theron-style, and then pat herself on the back for managing to–gasp–gain some weight and appear anything less than gorgeous. The guts! The pluck! Mean Betty’s eyes roll. Truly, they do.
For a laugh–here’s the Daily Mail‘s depiction of a Susan Boyle-Catherine Zeta morph. Hopefully this is the last we see of it:
Have you heard? Two weddings is the new wedding! Ingenious celebrities have figured out how to make sure they get twice the attention on their special day days. Why have one wedding when you can have two? Breastfeeder extraordinaire Salma Hayek and her French billionaire were just the latest celebrity duo to tie the knot twice, following hot on the heels of Tom and Gisele (who, oddly, are still denying us their wedding photos) and Spencer & Heidi (who, of course, never make a move unless a photographer is around). Come to think of it–given the expected longevity of a Hollywood marriage, perhaps a double knot is the way to go.
Requisite Octomom Update
Mean Betty gives in. There’s just no ignoring Nadya Suleman, but Mean Betty will make it brief. First we heard the astonishing news that Octomom (it’s not OctomomTM yet is it?) wanted to get a pet PIG … which is just perfection, if you ask Mean Betty. Maybe if she brings enough farm animals into the house child-protective services will finally get involved.
Next up: Octomom’s garish tattoo, featuring a tacky angel and 14 stars, one for each of her unfortunate brood. Because, as all single moms of babies will agree, she certainly can’t possibly have anything better to do with her time than feed her Angelina Jolie obsession. And how handy the stars are small–plenty of room for more!
Mean Betty has no comment on Octomom: The Musical.
That Was Fast, Mel
Creepy old man Mel Gibson debuted his new accessory/girlfriend this week. Mean Betty heard he wanted to try to get an “annulment” from the Catholic Church–pardon Mean Betty’s French, dears, but what a load of hypocritical crap.
“Mel has been single for almost three years, and it’s nice to see him getting out and enjoying himself,” his rep tells PEOPLE exclusively.
That’s funny, Mean Betty thought he was married all this time! Oh wait, he was.
Until next week, dears. Mean Betty would love to dish some more, but Mean Betty is busy soliciting book proposals from her neighborhood cats.