Week in Review
The Personal Appearance Issue
Michelle Obama, Heidi Montag Pratt, Sandra Bullock and more
All right, pets, Mean Betty is going to be mean. Isn’t that why you love her?
Some People Should Not Wear Shorts
How to put this delicately? Let’s keep the focus on your extraordinary arms, shall we, Mrs. Obama? With a closet full of sheath dresses and brilliantly put-together J. Crew ensembles, is it really necessary to appear, even on the White House lawn, looking like this?
Didn’t Michelle‘s pal Anna Wintour ever tell her nobody over size 4 should wear multi-colored shorts? On the other hand, Mean Betty is happy to see that the White House chef must be reaaaaaally good.
Sandra Bullock Is Not Immortal
Mean Betty was at the movies last night, and saw a most amusing preview, my pets … have you seen it? It’s for a formulaic little romantic comedy called The Proposal, and Mean Betty couldn’t help but smile as she watched. Oh, thought Mean Betty, the ladies they will love this one. Not only does it feature Scarlett Johanssons‘s hunk-oh-cuteness hubby Ryan Reynolds, but we also get to see … at long last … signs that Sandra Bullock is actually aging. Yes, you heard it here first, kittens: Despite heroic efforts to smooth, plump, lift and tighten, despite million-dollar lighting and a crew of ace makeup technicians, the inevitable march of time is taking its toll on Sandra‘s heretofore Teflon skin. Of course, she’s still a looker, but isn’t it nice, dearest ones – isn’t it somehow encouraging – to see that our actresses are not indeed immortal, and that they eventually get wrinkly necks just like the rest of us?
This photo really doesn’t do The Neck justice – all you can really see here are her check crevices … but just wait until you see Miss Bullock 20 feet high. Mean Betty hates to say it, but what’s that old line? Oh yes — she’s seen a better neck on a chicken.
Enjoy your popcorn!
It’s happened, pets. Mean Betty didn’t think it possible, but Mean Betty has actually been rendered completely speechless. Words fail … “what were they thinking/who on Earth would buy a magazine with that on the cover/” comes close, but falls pitifully short.
Actually – now that Mean Betty thinks about it – GQ has succeeded, with this cover and the accompanying photo spread, in not only turning men who are inclined toward other men off men, but women who are inclined toward men off men too!! Quite an accomplishment!
Speaking of Nude Photos No One Wants To See …
So Heidi Pratt (or Montag, or whatever) has gone the Playboy route. How unexpected! Isn’t it almost as if … could it be … Heidi … craves attention?
Mean Betty loves that, when deciding whether or not to pose naked for hordes of masturbating, acne-scarred teenagers and salivating old men, Heidi decided to call none other than Kim Kardashian for advice. Brilliant!
The plump-bottomed Kardashian, herself of course a Playboy cover girl, had these sage words of advice for Heidi in her time of need:
“I think that now’s the time… I think it’s a very classy magazine. It’s artsy.”
So true! Really, if Playboy doesn’t embody “class” and “art” – well then Mean Betty just doesn’t know what does!
The New Octomom
Mean Betty can only stand to think about one bizarre train wreck/ multiple family at a time, thus the recent exploits of Jon and Kate have diverted her attention from OctomomTM . And although this doesn’t technically fall under the “personal appearance” category, we can’t neglect our little Angelina Jolie look-a-like, this week. The latest development in this Octo-nightmare – the California Labor commission is investigating not mommy Nadya Suleman herself, but RadarOnline.com for breaking child labor laws.
The deliciously trashy Web site is getting slapped on the wrist with a few measly fines for over-filming the babies’ hospital homecoming, but their lunatic mother, who was PAID to allow the excessive filming, skates free and clear?
“[The Labor Commission] said Suleman is not at fault in the investigation because she transferred responsibility to RadarOnline with the video diary agreement,” quoth the LA Times.
Ohhh … it’s all clear to Mean Betty now. RadarOnline.com must be adopting the octuplets!
You have to admit, that would make compelling reality TV.
Until next week.
Yes, Mean Betty tweets. For now. twitter.com/MeanBetty