Mean Betty’s Advice for Paris Hilton
How can the washed up non-starlet get back in the public eye? Mean Betty knows!
You know, dears, it’s been a while since we had any really noteworthy antics from the Princess of the Neo Brat Pack, Miss Paris Hilton herself. For a while there it seemed as if she was trying to take a page out of her frenemy Nicole Richie’s book and paint herself as “settled down” with Doug Reinhardt … but lately it seems like she just might be on the verge of going back to her old ways. There have been breakup rumors (that she shot down via a Tweet – how perf), and she was spotted clubbing with Kim Kardashian’s ex Reggie Bush. Hmmm … could we be in store for another round of panty-less antics? Mean Betty hopes so!
However, as Paris is surely aware, a new crop of bad girls has popped up to steal our attention, so she’s going to have to work a little extra hard if she wants to regain her former notoriety. (HA! – “Paris Hilton” and “work” in the same sentence!) Here are some helpful hints for her – courtesy of Mean Betty’s generous heart …
10 Ways Paris Can Grab Back the Spotlight
1. Turn herself into a living blow up doll like Heidi Montag.
Yes, it’s a little too obvious, but unfortunately she can’t go the makeup free, un-Photoshopped route because she pretty much looks like a stick figure in real life too. But Paris Hilton with DD’s – now that’s going to get some attention!
2. Start dating … wait for it … Jon Gosselin.
Yes! It’s a perfect storm of reality trash! What could go wrong?
3. Marry Doug and invite the paparazzi ONLY as guests.
It can be the very first OPENLY sham wedding for publicity only! A “reality” breakthrough!
4. Start hanging out with Lindsay Lohan again.
Paris just has to make sure to get her fair share of photos of her falling into cactuses. Even better would be a joint Lindsay-Paris “business” venture – like designing leggings for poor Indian children!
5. Gain 50 lbs. and become a Jenny Craig spokeswoman.
6. Find a boyfriend who will cheat on her.
The more girlfriends/hookups he has, the better. It also helps if he is famous and/or skeevy (knowing Paris, she won’t have any trouble coming up with someone who is both.)
Or, even better …
7. Be a mistress of a married celebrity!
Clearly, this is the new path to fame and fortune.
8. Join the cast of Jersey Shore.
Oh, darlings, can’t you just see Paris living with all the Guidos and Guidettes? They can teach her the way of the poof, and she can share her spray-tan machine – and her assistant who sprays her – with them!
9. Run for office.
Mean Betty can’t believe Paris hasn’t thought of this before! She can even start her own political movement – ala the Tea Partiers – but what should she call it? The Princess Party? The Cristal Party? Oh, so many decisions to make! Vote for Paris!
10. MARRY LARRY KING!
What? He’s on the market!
Paris darling, you can thank Mean Betty when you’re back on the cover of In Touch with no undies and a series of incriminating text messages.