The Newlywed Life: I'm Losing My Single Friends

Does getting married mean saying good-bye to your single friends?
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Two women arguingThroughout my engagement, G dropped the ball on all things that oldest friends in the world are expected to do when someone is getting married. She didn’t show at my shower and she spent 15 minutes — tops — at a soiree thrown in honor of our engagement. And she bailed last minute on my bachelorette party even after my parents told her they would pay her portion. But the worst offense of all — she didn’t even respond to the formal wedding invitation.

Now, I get that G is a single lady. And I understand that even though we’re north of 30, she doesn’t make much money, which is why I only asked her to participate in free wedding-based activities. I never obligated her to listen to my Big Day stress, nor did I bore her with explanations of the invitation designs and the detail of my wedding dress. I just wanted her to be my friend. And somehow she was unable.

As much as I didn’t offer details or information, G didn’t ask. Well, she asked, but only if it affected her position as a guest. “Can I bring a date?” “Only a significant other.” “Where am I going to stay?” “Your parents have a house a mile away from the church.” “Can I get a ride?” The convos got so weirdly stressful that I cut contact short. And at my wedding, we spoke briefly.

Since then, we’ve seen each other at a funeral; she’s had a birthday and so have I. I e-mailed her to wish her many happy returns and I’m still waiting for mine (in her defense it is today, so she still has a few more hours.)

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0 thoughts on “The Newlywed Life: I'm Losing My Single Friends

  1. Happy birthday! I’m sorry your friend ditched you… I feel like this happens even if you start dating someone, not necessarily just when you get married. I think friends who are single just assume you will change and get all “coupley” so they distance themselves first before you do.

  2. You are sure that you didnt pull away first? My “BFF” thinks that we are still the same as always. its not true. we were best friends for 2yrs, did everything together, talked and saw each other 6 days a wk. then she got a bf. that wasnt bad until she no longer had time.. she wld cancel get togethers, then the day the man i thought i was going to marry dumbed me… i called her and had to ASK her to come be with me. her response was “i just made my __ a pie… i guess i can come 4 5min. by then of course i said forget it. my point is she did this and a whole lot more, so are you certain that you didnt pull away first?

  3. well think of it this way.. put yourself in her shoes..

    she’s getting married.. great.. -pause..
    better get use to her not being around..
    who else have i got to wipe my tears now..

    metaphorically.. like a shoelace on a shoe.. you can replace it anytime..
    but replaced is more likely to be lost and forgotten than used again..

    point is.. if she told you that.. you might have been psyched for a bit.. till you realize.. though she might have just gained a life long partner.. you just lost your other half..

    you’re gonna be too busy for her..
    you’re gonna have less common interest..
    she’s afraid.. and knows she’s about to be left out.. so why hang on? and really an email on her birthday? how thoughtful..
    but bff wise? err not so thoughtful.. where are you? home with your husband cuddling.. her? single.. prolly will have mindless sex thats not even worth remembering tomorrow..

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