ASK REAL GUYS
Lack of Sex
Dear ASK REAL GUYS: I love sex, I am always ready and willing, and I like to try new things – including the kinky stuff. Sex is always on my mind, my friends even say I’m like a guy in that respect. I normally masturbate once or twice a day, and sometimes even more than that. I have been married for a few years, and I have a great relationship with my hubby (outside of sex). In the beginning we had sex nearly three or four times a day, then after we moved in together it went down to maybe twice a day. Once we hit the two-year mark, we started only making love about two or three times a WEEK. And now, our sex life just plain sucks.
About a year and a half ago he moved up in a higher position at his job. It is more stressful, though he enjoys the work. Unfortunately his schedule is kind of crazy, as he works from about 3:00 a.m. to 11:00 p.m. for three weeks in a row (he only gets three days off). When we first met his hours were nuts like this, but he was less stressed and was able to make more time for us. Now, with him being more stressed out on top of the fact that he’s getting older, he puts zero effort into having sex.
When we do make love he ejaculates far too quickly and there is no foreplay involved at all. We are lucky to have sex four times in a month, and there have even been some months that we only had sex once. I have discussed this with him, and he says that it’s not my fault, that he is just too tired and stressed.
He tells me that this situation makes him feel like less of a man, because he knows that he doesn’t perform as long as I would like him to. I don’t pressure him to have sex with me, and I also don’t talk about it much anymore. I love my hubby with all of my soul, but I am almost at a point where I don’t want to have sex with him at all, due to how brief and boring it has become. I don’t want to be with any other man, but I feel like I’m going crazy. Am I doomed to never have a good sex life again?
On days off we try to take little weekend getaways, but since he is always working we tend to bring our daughter along with us, so we can spend time as a family. What do you suggest? He says that he is trying, but I really don’t see any change happening.
Steven: People do what they really want to do. If this is really important to you and your husband, l would prioritize your time and efforts accordingly. It does not seem at this moment like it is that big a deal for your husband because, if it was, he would be working toward trying to solve this issue since it is very important to you. I think you and your husband should go see a therapist that specializes in intimacy and sex. You are not doomed; you and your husband just need professional help.