Boob of the Week
Biggest Boob Goes to PETA
They want Ben & Jerry’s to use HUMAN breast milk in our ice cream!
-Julie Ryan Evans
There’s no way that Boob of the Week can go to anyone other than the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) this week. They are urging Ben & Jerry’s, the makers of ice cream that makes us melt, to forgo cow’s milk in their ice cream and replace it instead with HUMAN BREAST MILK! We’re all for animal rights and know plenty of very nice vegans, but c’mon.
I’m sorry, but no way am I going to eat Cherry Garcia knowing that some mother has lactated in it. Go breastfeeding – I intend to do just that in about three and a half months – but this is just … gross (sorry for the lack of eloquence here, but really, can you think of anything that better describes it?). And as our wise managing editor, April, asked, “Why is it OK to milk women and not cows?” Seriously, why?!
PETA got the idea from a Swiss restaurant that uses breast milk in its dishes (Makes me think of Swiss cheese in a whole other light). So that restaurateur can share in the Boob award too!
“We have all been raised on it. Why should we not include it into our diet?” Hans Locher, who has become Switzerland most controversial restaurant owner, said. “I first experimented with breast milk when my daughter was born. One can cook really delicious things with it. However, it always needs to be mixed with a bit of whipped cream, in order to keep the consistency.”
PETA thinks it makes more sense for our cones to come from the mammaries of humans.
“The fact that human adults consume huge quantities of dairy products made from milk that was meant for a baby cow just doesn’t make sense,” says PETA Executive Vice President Tracy Reiman. “Everyone knows that ‘the breast is best,’ so Ben & Jerry’s could do consumers and cows a big favor by making the switch to breast milk.”
Thank the ice cream gods that Ben & Jerry’s doesn’t seem to be considering the idea. “We applaud PETA’s novel approach to bringing attention to an issue, but we believe a mother’s milk is best used for her child,” said a spokesperson for Ben and Jerry’s.
Now if they want to come up with one flavor for the PETA crowd, then go for it; it could be a lot of fun to name: Mama Milk Mia? Breast Ever Chocolate Wonder? Boobalicious Berry? Just leave my Phish Food alone!