ASK REAL GUYS
What Should I Believe?
Dear ASK REAL GUYS: My husband was away for work over a span of two months. While he was gone he became friends with a woman, which he told me about. When he got home she called him, and at first it seemed innocent. A few days later she texted him, and I replied as if I were him. She started talking about how much she missed them and her new fondness for the beach and the special time they had together.
I turned the phone off after that. A week later my hubby and I went to Vegas, and we had an argument that caused him to duck out to call her – three times, in the middle of the night, about 20 minutes each time. On Monday he received an e-mail from her saying how much she missed him and how she wanted to hold him and kiss him, she then got very specific about what she wanted from him sexually. I then called her and asked if she had slept with him, and she said they were just friends.
I then again replied as though I was him and she talked to him some more saying that she had spoken with me and had denied everything. I asked (as him) why she didn’t tell the truth and she said she denied it because I (he) told her to.
Then she told him she loved him and said that if anything goes wrong between us, she wants him. And I (as him) asked why and she said “Because I love everything about you.” At that point I told her it was me, and then we began to get pretty catty with each other, and she kept saying “I never said he cheated on you.” My husband denied everything, said she was crazy and that he couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t believe him. I told him he needed to call her using the three way feature, so I could hear her talk to him, but he refused. He eventually said he would, but then once he called her he hung up on me (accidentally, he claimed) and later he told me that she had said, “I don’t want to talk to you, or your wife. I don’t want to have anything to do with you,” before hanging up on him. He thinks I should believe him because of that, as he says it proved his point that she is crazy. I want more than anything to believe him, but I have this gut feeling that he is not telling the truth.
He keeps saying “Do you just want me to tell you I had sex with her? OK, I had sex with her a thousand times, does that make it better? I love YOU!” I just don’t know what to believe … please help!
Avery: Obviously, there is a huge trust issue between you and your husband. From what you described, it seems like your husband did have a sexual affair with this woman. Your sleuthing seems to prove it. The question now is if you can get over it and move on. Your husband seems to want to continue to be with you, but I am not convinced that it’s over with him and the other woman. I think that you need to decide what you want, and move to make that happen.
If you can forgive him and move on, then do it. If you just feel that you can’t trust him anymore, and never will, then you may have to address those feelings and act accordingly. What you haven’t said is whether you have children with this man or not. If you do, then that complicates the situation and your decisions for the future, since they will affect more people than just you and your husband.