What Would Debbie Do?
Should I Take Him Back?
I am recently divorced from my husband of 18 years. He left and moved in with a woman (one of the Pastor’s at our church) who is 10 years older than him. At the time, we were starting a new business and she ended up being an investor in the business. I think the money that she had looked really good to him and knowing that he could get more if he left me, was a decision that he decided to carry out. We have two beautiful daughters (10 and 12). The youngest really doesn’t care, while my 12-year-old has taken this situation really hard, causing her to have ulcers that resulted in a life-long disease called Ulcerative Colitis.
We had a great family and a great home. He kept giving me excuses like, he “knew that I didn’t love him anymore” and I “didn’t support his vision”. Both of those statements are a lie. When he first left he would still come over and of course we made love EVERYTIME, but if this other woman is what he wanted and left me for, then why did he keep coming back to me?
We are now spending the weekends together at his apartment that he rents and only uses when he’s with our girls. But, for the most part, he does live with this woman.
He has told me that he does not love her, and that he wants to put our family back together again. However, she has invested so much money in the company that he wants to take his time to leave as to not create any anger, since she’s an investor with the company. He says he does not want her to ruin his name, so he’s trying to handle it as delicately as possible. However, every night all I can think about is him sleeping with her, wondering what he is saying to her. Are they the same things he’s saying to me?! And is he really trying to leave? Sometimes when I call at night he doesn’t pick up. But he says I should understand since he has shared with me what he’s going to do, and I should just hold on.
I’m so confused and not sure what to believe and/or do. I was starting to get on with my life once the divorce was final, now this. After two years of being separated, I signed the divorce degree comfortably and with relief. Now, those feelings are resurfacing and I don’t want to get hurt again, yet I want him to know that I’m here, like I was before he left. Please help, as I’m not sure how I should handle this.
Sometimes I think I want him back because I love him, and other times I think it’s because I want to see her hurt like she hurt my family.
Here’s my advice: This man left you and your beautiful family, causing utter chaos, pain, and illness, for another woman he now lives with, and works with. You are putting yourself in an extremely vulnerable position, after years of struggling to get your life back in order. Do not allow this man to manipulate your actions for his selfish needs.
I don’t care what he says to you when you’re with him on the weekends. All I care about is what he does. And unless he leaves this woman, severs his emotional and financial ties, he is lying to you, and putting you in a terrible position. Actions speak louder than words. Never forget that.
I understand the fact that you still have feelings for him. That, you have to work out for yourself. But do not make excuses for this man. His actions speak for themselves. And so far, they are loud and clear, and they are not in your best interest. Move on with your life, until at least the picture is different and you can assess his actions with clarity and common sense.
That’s what I would do….