Stars and Their Big, Fat Mouths

Whatever will the little geniuses say next?
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Stars and Their Big, Fat Mouths

Whatever will the little geniuses say next?

-Mean Betty


This, kittens, is what Mean Betty has been pondering this week: Why, oh, why do celebrities say such dumb things? Do they do it for our amusement? Do they do it to get the attention they pretend they don’t want? Or are they so effing darn dumb they think that anything they say is smart?

Let’s look closer, darlings, at this strange phenomenon:

Madonna has decided, goodness knows why, to direct a movie about the Duke and Duchess of Windsor. Back in the 1930s, the Duke gave up the throne of Great Britain for the woman he loved.

Our little superstar–or Madge, as she’s become known since she started faking a British accent–told The Daily Telegraph in London that she’s been reading about Wallis Simpson, the Duchess, for simply years. (Mean Betty is so happy that Madge’s strenuous academic research hasn’t interfered with her pursuit of bubble-butted Brazilian men. But then, Madge has always been a multitasker.)

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“People have accused Wallis of all kinds of things,” Madge says, defending her fellow American. “They’ve said that she put a spell on Edward. They’ve said that she was a hermaphrodite and that he was gay. They’ve said they were Nazi sympathizers. It’s just the usual lynch-mob mentality that descends upon somebody who has something that lots of other people don’t have.”

Mean Betty gently suggests that Madge stop looking at butts and return to her second-rate historical novels research. Anybody who knows anything about history knows that the dimwitted Duke and his grasping wife were Nazi sympathizers who gave Hitler a chummy “Sieg Heil” salute when they were in Europe and expected to be made King and Queen of England once Hitler won.

But Madge seems to think they got a bad rap just because they were…rich and famous. What insight! Such food for thought! Could the same be said about Attila the Hun? The Borgias? Ivan the Terrible?

We’re sure that wherever they are (and somehow Mean Betty doesn’t think it’s the place with the fluffy clouds and people in white robes), the Duke and Duchess are most appreciative.

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0 thoughts on “Stars and Their Big, Fat Mouths

  1. I long for the day when we didn’t know much about celebrities. When you saw them on-screen they were the characters in the flesh. You didn’t know about their private lives, you could guess or make up what you fantasized about them, but it never came out of their mouths.

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