Boobs of the Week
CW’s “Stylista” Makers Win Biggest Boobs of the Week
New reality show is a major fashion faux pas
A friend recently told me that the higher your I.Q., the lower your taste in pop culture. Anyone have the number for Mensa? I just watched the inaugural episode of Stylista on the CW — and thus Betty distributes one of our coveted GROUP BOOB OF THE WEEK AWARDS to all those behind this fashion faux pas.
In this low-rent rip-off of The Devil Wears Prada, stupid pretty young things compete for a junior editor position at ELLE magazine. The winner also gets a “great” New York apartment and a clothing allowance from H&M. Seriously? ELLE couldn’t do better than H&M?
Contestants prove their mettle by completing one “assistant” task and one “editorial” task each week. They’re viciously dismissed by ELLE’s Anne Slowey, doing her ice queen best to channel Meryl Streep channeling Anna Wintour. It’s all very Top Model meets The Apprentice meets Project Runway. Except without the creativity, intelligence, drama, beauty or fun.
While PR contestants actually design creative garments and ANTM girls struggle for enticing photos, all these aspiring stylistas aspire to be is being somebody’s crappy assistant. Organizing someone’s coffee tray doesn’t exactly make for riveting television.
The contestants could be the most anti-charismatic crew assembled in the history of reality television. Given their goofy names and mystery backgrounds, you’d think we’d at least get a bit of drama. You would be wrong.
All the “recent college graduate” Cologne, “China military analyst” Johanna, “freelance stylist” DyShaun and the rest of the gang manage to do is look bored. The highlight of the episode was when contestants started referring to “legal secretary” Kate as “Boobs.” Since she wears her enormous breasts shoved up to her neck, it’s actually pretty funny. Even more funny when she almost started to cry about it.
But then, I crave a legitimate cruelty in my reality shows. (Ed – Plus so convenient for us to make Boob of the Week jokes!)
After the contestants were ordered to create a healthy and well-styled breakfast plate for Anne (with absolutely no direction as to what food she prefers), they next makeover their wardrobe via a shopping spree. At H&M. The new looks had to be organized in a photo spread with witty editorial writing (that we never get to see because – duh – that might require us to awake from our comas).
The reward for succeeding in all these inane, pointless tasks? The winning team was allowed to hang their editorial spread “on the bulletin board in the ELLE conference room.” When will the decadence end?
The losers were winnowed down to “freelance writer” Arnaldo and “visual merchandiser” Michelle, who might also double as a plus-sized model. And there went the suspense. Like ELLE would ever have the balls to fire the “heavy” girl – even if she was a fashion disaster – on the first episode. You know they were dying to, though.
So overwrought, so predictable, such a waste of brain cells …
I’m setting my TiVo for next Wednesday.