Taking Care of the Ex

A woman seeks advice on what to do about her boyfriend continuing to provide for her ex-wife.

What Would Debbie Do?

Second Wives Club: What Do I Do?

Dear Debbie,

Hi, you answered my question about, “My boyfriend continues to provide for his ex-wife”. However, the ex-wife’s kids are HERS!

She became pregnant three times by her boyfriend, while she was married, which produced two children. He divorced her because of this, but was involved in some of the childcare for the two kids on and off again during the following nine years. I don’t mind if he wants to give gifts, etc. to the kids, but his generosity toward her is just a bit much. Should I expect him to stop? I know this will be an issue with me if we stay together. I need your perspective on this with the added info.

–Thank You, Debbie M.

Dear Debbie,

My answer is the same. While in theory, I agree with you that he doesn’t “need” to support these children, he clearly has chosen to do so. I imagine he does it because he cares for the kids and wants to help. If this is an issue for you, and clearly it is, I say you should move on. His prior life carries baggage that you can choose to accept or deny. Truly, I understand if it makes you crazy. But he would most likely resent you for the harassment that would ensue, and your relationship surely would suffer.

There are some things we have to accept about our partners. Those things we cannot accept have to be weighed against the good in order to find balance. I hope his good attributes outweigh this issue and you can stay there without any resentment. If not, do both of you a favor and move on.

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