10 Things a Mom Shouldn’t Admit
I don’t do windows OR make homemade food!
There are times when I know I haven’t qualified for the Mom of the Year award. To keep it real, here’s my own personal “Hall of Mommy Shame” list, exposed for all of you to read and weep over. And smile at, I hope – though I expect some grimacing will result.
1. I underdressed my son.
When the weather started getting cold, I sent Alex to day care in a cute lightweight jacket, only to find out that his teachers took the liberty of throwing a spare coat over the jacket.
“Didn’t you notice how cold it was outside,” my husband reprimanded me. “The other kids were wearing parkas,” he added.
I got chastised by all the adults around me for nearly giving my 2-year-old child frostbite.
2. I’ve never made homemade baby food.
The food processor confuses me and actually scares me a little. I know I should be “sneaking” good foods into my son’s applesauce, but, hey, he loves spinach ravioli, something you can buy in bulk at Costco.
3. Sometimes I compare my son’s milestones with those of other toddlers.
You hear about the kid who’s potty-trained at 18 months and panic sets in. This is why …
4. … I use Goldfish crackers as bait for potty training.
Alex is slowly getting used to the idea of sitting on the toilet, but sometimes he needs to be coaxed. So, I promise him a Goldfish cracker if he does his duty or doody … which he usually eats WHILE sitting on the potty. I know, he was supposed to get that cracker once he got off the toilet and washed his hands, wasn’t he?
Once, one of the Goldfish slipped through his fingers and into the bowl and drowned. It was the only thing he deposited in the toilet that day.
5. I don’t always change my son’s sheets or clean his pacifiers or toothbrushes in a timely manner.
Or clip his fingernails.
6. Videos are great babysitters.
We don’t watch TV when Alex is awake, but the occasional video offers a nice diversion if a certain toddler is throwing a tantrum and the sound of Elmo’s helium voice is the only thing that will calm him down.
7. I don’t always like other children.
Yeah, I’m a mom. That doesn’t mean I feel maternal toward all children, especially kids that get up in my face and ask, “How old are you?” at least 40 times during a playdate.
8. I avoid changing poopy diapers.
As chief potty trainer in our household, I know my son’s rhythms pretty well. Which is why, at approximately 10:30 a.m. on the weekend, I’ll innocently ask my husband to watch Alex while I take a shower. He hasn’t quite caught on yet. Don’t tell him.
9. I don’t believe in spankings, but …
There was a recent incident when we had just landed at the airport after Thanksgiving break, and my son lay on the floor of the parking garage and wouldn’t get up. It took all of my strength to refrain from swatting him. I opted for throwing him over my shoulder like a fireman to carry him to the car. That said, you can understand why …
10. I daydream about being single again.
I admit it. There are days when I’m just not into being a mom. A whiny, adolescent part of myself wishes I could just lounge on the couch on a Sunday afternoon while back-to-back episodes of What Not to Wear drones on in the background.
Oh, but then I look at my son, who shatters those nostalgic memories of carefree single days with a big grin and large blue eyes. Come out and play with me, that look says.
I look back at the couch and silently apologize. It never had a chance.
Jennifer Lubell is a health-care reporter in Washington, DC, and mom to 2-year-old Alex.