Top 10 Reasons to Have a Breast Reduction

Why I decided to have the other kind of boob job.
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Top 10 Reasons to Have a Breast Reduction

Why I decided to have the other kind of boob job.

-Sonja Holbrook, www.ranker.com

Breast reduction

Brace yourselves, we’re gonna talk about breasts! Most kids measure their growth rates by a yardstick. I used a metric scale. From the ages of 11 – 30, I went from a C to a DDD. Having put up with the jokes and stares my whole life, I’d developed an immunity to the “booby” cult. But when your body makes you hunch over like Father Time, you know it’s time to cut the cleavage that binds.

In celebration of my liberation, I’ve compiled a list of reasons why I do NOT miss my girls.

1. Back Pain
My single, number-one, chief reason for having my reduction. My surgeon had a good analogy for this. For all men who think big boobs are no big deal for a woman, try this: take two 5-6 lb. bowling balls and strap them to your chest using piano wire. Now stand up straight. Good. Now walk over to your partner, straddle them, and proceed to bounce up and down for a good 20 minutes, without stopping. How does that feel? Does it feel good? Exactly. Contrary to popular myth, the only big breasts that are not heavy are FAKE.

2. Skin Discoloration
Remember that diaper rash you had as a kid? Big-boob rash is like that. But instead of being red, it’s brown and ugly. It’s like a tea stain across your skin, where the boobs fold and where the bra sits. This can also be combined with sores that never heal, because there is zero air flow. And most of the time, the skin staining is permanent. Boy, now I really want to get naked.

3. Exercising
I’m a huge fan of jogging, but really anything speedier than a crawl required three bras and a rather large t-shirt. Even then, I bounced faster than a bad check. Floor exercises consisted of craning my neck to see past my nipples. Going to the gym involved standing outside and waiting for a large group to go in so I could remain invisible. Once in, my sweatshirt stayed on until I passed out–which didn’t take long, because jogging with those bad girls was the equivalent of running with weights. If the guys want know the pain equivalent, strap a bowling ball to your happy sac and go running. No, really, go ahead. I’m gonna sit back and watch.

4. Shoulder Grooves
This really is self-explanatory, but for those who aren’t in the know, shoulder grooves are caused by constant pressure applied to the, you know, shoulders. The heavier the boobs, the more the bra straps dig in. The skinnier the strap, the more it hurts. The deeper the pressure, the deeper the cut. The deeper the cut, the worse the scar gets. The worse the scar….well, I think I’ve made myself clear.

5. Ugly Bras
Oh, yeah – one of my faves. A bra for a BBG (big boob girl) comes in three colors: white, black and beige. Should you be so fortunate to find a pretty bra in your size, it costs twice your monthly salary. And anyway, most bras don’t contain big boobs properly and you get the quad-boob effect. There are four where there should be two. I know men would consider this Christmas year round, but it’s probably the tackiest visual ever. Just once, it would be nice to buy more than one bra and not skip rent in the process. Better yet, to not buy a bra that comes in a box, or is featured in a catalog with muumuus.

Read The Vagina Dialogues

6. Poor Posture
My surgeon told me that if I didn’t get ‘em chopped this year, by next year I’d be moving in with Quasimodo. Having ten pounds strapped to your chest will make anyone hunch over and drool. Just point me to the bell tower and send up food. It’s hard to stand up straight. You can’t put your arms down. You can’t relax your shoulders. Enough of this and you look like a bouncer, because all your energy is concentrated on lifting as much as possible, and because you’re so uncomfortable, you always look angry.


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0 thoughts on “Top 10 Reasons to Have a Breast Reduction

  1. FBNYC says:

    Ugh, I don’t ever ever want to get saggy boobs!

  2. mothermeryl says:

    I can understand someone getting this done. This is the best description I’ve ever read of how it actually feels to have very large breasts.

  3. uptowngirl says:

    This is all 100% accurate. Especially the comments, which often come from much older men (even when you’re a very young teen). Ick. Thanks for sharing!

  4. citymouse says:

    have to say that I’ve always been relatively small-chested, but I’m not complaining – especially after reading this! Get the surgery, girls!!

  5. Jane Chase says:

    There is one VERY IMPORTANT reason that is not mentioned: Breast Cancer prevention/detection. My sister was in a similar situation (boob size). When she went to get the reduction, they found Breast Cancer. The lumps were so small that she did not feel them in her normal checks. Thanks to her desire to get the reduction, the cancer was found extremely early and she was able to remove it all and did not have to go through other treatments. Thank God that she has now been Cancer free for over three years.

  6. lulu17 says:

    I have to say, as a fellow BBG and still in my teens, this is 100% true. I’m already a 32G and I don’t even want to think about them getting any bigger in the future. Between the stares and the jokes I’m just sick of the whole thing. I’ve thought about getting a reduction but I’ve heard so many bad things about the scars and the possible tissue damage that I don’t know if it’s really the right decision.

  7. a1991amy says:

    Glad some people are making smart decisions! I only have 34C’s and that bothers me(finding a decent bra, finding nice shirts that don’t show too much, exercising, etc) enough as it is- I don’t blame people with large breasts for wanting to get a reduction. I had 34A’s until I was 17(darn growth spurt) and I quite preferred those!

  8. dehoyos_gladys says:

    IM WITH YOU ON TH3 JOGGING P@RT!! I US3D TO B3 @ 36D & NOW TH@T I H@D @ B@BY IM @ 38DD NOW THAT I’M WORKING OUT I H@VE TO W3@R 2 SPORTS BR@S JUST TO K33P TH3M IN PL@CE!! I F33L LIKE 3V3RYONE IS ST@RING @ M3!

  9. Brande says:

    AMEN SISTER!!!!!!!!!!!!

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