Real Moms Spill in True Mom Confessions: Real Moms Get Real
None of us is perfect, right?
Hey Real Moms – Win a copy of True Mom Confessions: Real Moms Get Real
Let kids go to bed without brushing their teeth: Check.
Let son wear dirty underwear three days in a row but turned them inside out because I didn’t feel like doing laundry: Check.
Allowed daughter to make own bowl of ice cream as big as she wanted after begging her to eat the TWO chicken nuggets she’s required to eat by-her-$65-per-half-hour dietitian: Check.
I’m a naughty mommy, and when I discovered there’s a site out there for other naughty mommies like me, I couldn’t get to it fast enough. It’s like a secret society! A place where we don’t have to wallow alone in our naughtiness, a place where we can go and shout joyously, “Me, too!” or “I did that!” or even, “I’ve got a better one!”
And, come on, you’ve got to admit it, we’re not all perfect moms, now, are we?
Romi Lassally knows there’s no such thing as a perfect mom, but if there were, would we really want her in our circle of friends? So she created a place for us nonperfect, real moms to confess our most intimate thoughts, anonymously, of course, so that no one will drag us away from our dear beloved children for confessing only what probably every other mom is already thinking. Although, one of my top confessions: I’d secretly like to commit a crime that will get me in just enough trouble to land me in a minimum-security women’s facility for about three months, just so I can sleep and write!
I had the chance to ask Romi a few questions about her site, Truuconfessions.com, and her new book, called True Mom Confessions: Real Moms Get Real.
Stephanie Elliot: I LOVE the site! It’s like sneaking away for a luxury bubble bath or eating chocolate when no one’s around – it’s that illicit! What inspired you to create Truuconconfessions.com?
Romi Lassally: The inspiration was my committing and then disclosing a mommy misdemeanor (or housekeeping don’t). My son Owen, who was 6 at the time, threw up in the middle of the night, and I left it on the carpet, hoping the dog would eat it.
SE: Did it start out as a site just for moms?
RL: Originally, we had sections titled Dads, Green and Hook Up, but now we are sticking with a more female-focused site for women at different stages of life.
SE: What’s the attraction for moms to have a place like Truuconconfessions.com ?
1) Motherhood really throws you for a loop and challenges your preconceptions and expectations. Sadly, despite a culture that seems more accepting of flaws and foibles (and is more self-aware and self-deprecating), I strongly believe that we mothers hold ourselves to ridiculously high standards. I am guilty, guilty, guilty of these.
SE: Me, too!
RL: … And these standards come from society, peers, our own mothers, our internal voices, etc. Sooo, because we still expect motherhood to be somewhat joyful, when it isn’t, we can have some pretty ambivalent thoughts about the whole thing. As Gail Saltz (a psychiatrist) says in her foreword in the book, when we have these bad or negative thoughts, we feel bad and we keep them secret. And what happens with a secret? Well, nothing good. It festers (not to mention making the secret keeper feel icky and ashamed), and then things just escalate and can turn into even worse thoughts (of running away, etc). Most often, moms just feel bad about bad thoughts and alone, scared, embarrassed, ashamed …
With an anonymous place like TMC, moms can:
1) Confess, which is cathartic and fun. And because they are “sharing secrets without signature” – no judgment, no consequences, no rejection. Face it, we all judge. And I think that’s fine. But not with someone’s name on it. Also – unbeknownst to many confessors, what we see happening is that one mom’s secret can be another mom’s solution/salvation.
2) Read and often think, “Me, too!” (Most of our users do this – 90 percent of them!) These users can get simple entertainment from reading the bite-sized stories of other moms, they realize they are not alone (or crazy), and that more moms are thinking what they are thinking than they could ever know. They can get parenting tips (when moms share short cuts or discipline strategies, etc), and find solutions.
3) Participate in a very honest, authentic discussion. Sure, much of what the women talk about on true mom confessions is talked about offline, in the press, etc. But I find that TMC offers an even more uncensored dimension to the conversations. We hear much about the ongoing battle between SAHMs and working moms, but rarely do we hear, “I went back to work so I could yell at my coworkers and not my son,” or “I got pregnant so I could finally quit my job. It was the only way.”
SE: Tell us about your book – is it just all confessions from moms on the site? Do you have other books coming out – Bride’s True Confessions, etc?
RL: The book is called True Mom Confessions: Real Moms Get Real, and it’s a snapshot of the 24/7 conversation on the Web site. It’s the best (and some of the worst) confessions from the site, organized into the themes we saw emerging. My favorite chapters are “The little white lies we tell” and “If they only knew.”
SE: When you were a kid, did everyone want to confess their secrets to you?
RL: For better or for worse, I like to tell my secrets and get other people to tell theirs. I think it’s a real shortcut to intimacy and even a test to see if someone will like me if I reveal my flaws up-front. This has become more common for me as an adult … not so much as a child. I do find that now, with very little prodding (even just with my mentioning the Web site) people will start babbling like they’ve taken truth serum!
SE: Check out these other true confessions from real moms, and then head on over to the BettyTalk section here to enter to win a copy of True Mom Confessions: Real Moms Get Real.