ASK REAL GUYS
Hardheaded or Unfaithful?
Dear ASK REAL GUYS: I am a 29-year-old woman dating a 22-year-old guy. He is shy, and I actually had to make the first move when we met. Here’s the problem: He has a wandering eye. He is constantly checking out other women, and while this bothers me I understand how guys are physically stimulated.
A few months ago I suspected him of searching through my cell, so I put a lock on it for the weekend that we spent together to see if he would bring it up. He did, which just proved he had been snooping. Well he ended up putting a lock on his because I put one on mine, and it is still on to this day. He does turn it off at night when he sleeps, and then checks his cell in the morning to see if he received anything. I asked him over the weekend if he had anything to hide on there, and he said no.
He use to let me look at pictures on his cell, but for the past few months he hasn’t allowed it (he claims there are no new photos). I have always trusted him but I am getting very suspicious. Is he talking to someone else or is he just stubborn?
Steven: OK. Let’s sum this up: You have put a lock on your phone and he has as well; he is not letting you see pictures on his cell; and, he is constantly checking out other women in front of you. Well collectively this doesn’t look too good. In fact, because his behavior is changing for the worse, this could indicate that things are going downhill. Also since he is snooping on you it seems like you don’t trust each other.
My suggestion is to address this issue with him immediately. Lay out all the facts that you have noticed and then ask him his thoughts on this. Make sure that the question is open-ended. And no matter what he says, say – “I don’t understand.” The key in situations is to remember people don’t like silence. So after you ask him his thoughts, keep quiet and that most likely will create the environment for him to talk, and maybe ramble, and reveal what might be going on so you can determine what makes sense to do. The mere fact that you are asking Ask Real Guys, also indicates that you probably know – down deep – that something is up. If he is not willing to be open and honest, find someone who will.