In the News
You May Now Kiss the Bride … For the First Time!
Couple’s first kiss takes place on their wedding day
Imagine discovering your husband was a lousy kisser – on your wedding day. For all we know, that’s where Melody LaLuz is at right now. Melody and her new hubby Claudaniel Fabien are both Chicago-based abstinence instructors and wanted to set an example for their students. So they waited until their wedding to share their first kiss!
Isn’t abstinence about waiting to do the dirty deed? Since when does kissing count? I know he’s got a fancy name, but what if Claudaniel can’t kiss? What if he’s a tongue-thruster? Or a dry pecker? Or a sloppy smacker? What then? Poor Melody is stuck with him. Not to mention that I wouldn’t want my first kiss to be in front of a priest and a hundred or so members of his flock.
I remember my first kiss like it was yesterday . . . his name was Tommy and he wore his hair in wings – like Farrah! He always had a comb in the back pocket of his too-tight jeans and favored snug t-shirts advertising horrible bands like Rush or Styx. In spite of his bad taste in music and questionable ‘do, I had a ginormous crush on Tommy. Until he kissed me.
We were at a high school party, drinking beer and sharing a menthol ciggie when he leaned over and planted one on me. Or, I should say – in me. For Tommy had a tongue to rival Gene Simmons’. I gagged and decided I didn’t like kissing boys very much.
Shortly thereafter, I discovered that I actually did like kissing boys – just not the ones with Gene Simmons tongues. (Though those boys DO have their uses). Let’s hope Melody’s first kiss went a lot better than mine did. Because unlike mine (Tommy who?), she’s stuck with hers.