What Men Really Want: Everything You Need to Know About Oral Sex

Real guys open up about their biggest turn-ons and turn-offs.
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What Men Really Want: Everything You Need to Know About Oral Sex

Real guys open up about their biggest turn-ons and turn-offs.

-Zoe Turner

Everything You Need to Know About Oral Sex

Like most women, I have my insecurities when it comes to sex. However, none of them have ever had much to do with whether or not I was a good lover… and especially, whether or not I give good head. Still, I’ve had my fair share of experiences when I’ve wondered if the person I’m in bed with might have been disappointed.

I was recently talking with my boyfriend about oral sex, and it ended up leading to an enlightening discussion about this subject with him and a few of his closest male friends. So as not to confuse things (i.e., there’s more than one “John” in my life), and in an effort to be economical, I’m not going to attach names to the following comments; I simply want to pass along the info I gathered in an effort to help all of us who have occasionally left our partners wanting more (or, perhaps, less).

Not so surprisingly, when I asked if giving head is important to guys, the response was: “Besides world peace, what could be more important?!” Turns out that the men I spoke with also prefer when we get right down to business: “I think there’s something about a woman being direct that makes me feel more comfortable,” said one. “It shows a lack of inhibition which makes me feel more at ease. You have to remember, there’s a certain element of self-consciousness involved in receiving oral sex; and if I’m not mistaken, women experience this too.” (Agreed!).

Read 5 Biggest First-Time Sex Mistakes

The guys also mentioned how most women seem to suffer from the misconception that the penis is similar to the vagina, in terms of sensitivity. OK, I can’t really disagree here, either, and it’s completely preposterous! When you consider the size and strength of a man’s hand, grip and arm when masturbating, you can imagine they’re a lot firmer with themselves than we are.

“A lot of stuff women do – the light kissing, the soft touching with the tip of the tongue – we can’t even feel that stuff. I think maybe it feels good to them, but it just doesn’t deliver enough pressure to register a sensation for us,” explains one guy. OK, got it. But are there any limits? “Nothing you do down there is going to hurt me – except using your teeth!”

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35 thoughts on “What Men Really Want: Everything You Need to Know About Oral Sex

  1. This was supposed to be about oral sex, I thought. All it turns out to be is about giving head to men. Well, what about men giving head to women? They weren’t even asked how they felt about it.

    As for: “Besides world peace, what could be more important?!” How about mutual pleasure? How about making sure both partners have orgasm? No, not a chance for those things when the opinions of men you know are awfully damned selfish, they “perform” better with strangers — what is the male “performance part of fellatio? The writer didn’t call them on it, and you, Betty, just put it out here as if this were the end-all/be-all of this subject. I’d have capped down on them with a baseball bat.

    I’ve noticed this site is getting more and more about how to please a man, cater to a man, suck off a man, look sexy in bed for a man, so I’m outta here.

    Whatever happened to helping women develop themselves as individuals? What about their career concerns, other than office dating? What about anything that has to do with something to tell women, especially young ones, that everything relates to men.

    It’s sickening! If I can’t find a way on your site to “unsubscribe” myself today, I want you to do it tomorrow.

  2. Wowwww, bryony1! Take a step back, deep breaths. Close your eyes and count to ten or something. This website, just like any other, is targeting what their market is asking for. If women between 18-50 years old were all obsessed with cats, there’d be more articles about kittens and yarn than recipes, celebrities and sex.

    The article is titled “What Men Really Want”, not “What Men Really Want to Know about Pleasing You Orally”. I personally found it informative…

    I suppose I’m more curious about what the website was when you joined and what you were expecting. I’ve been on here since last fall and Betty hasn’t really changed, other than growing in members.

  3. A woman need not be “skilled” to perform oral sex if one is lucky enough to have a natural penis.The foreskin has all the contact sensors and nothing left on the glans but some pressure sensitive ones.The head of the penis and the heel of the foot are the two least sensitive spots on the body.THe spot where the frenulum was removed and the scar line is about all that is left to respond to light contact. Oral sex should be mutual shared or forget it. Personally, I find it disgusting for guys to demand oral and to damn lazy to reciprocate. Especially when it takes them for ever to orgasm. Not their fault but rather American circ happy culture. Vaginal sex with simultaneous orgasms is the better way to go. Now if having a quickie between the ist and 10th floor in an elevator then oral will suffice.

  4. Bryony1 writes: “This was supposed to be about oral sex, I thought. All it turns out to be is about giving head to men.”

    The title of the article states: What Men Really Want: Everything You Need to Know About Oral Sex.

    Again in slow motion, bit by bit. “All it turns out to be is about giving head to men.”

    “What Men Really Want…”

    “…giving head to men.”

    “What Men Really Want: Everything You Need to Know About Oral Sex”

    “What Men Really Want…”

    “Men Really Want…”

    “Men Really…”


    The title tipped most of us off as to what this article would be about. That’s what most titles do.

    Byrony1’s reaction in plain terms equates to this paraphrasing of the situation:


    Not only did we learn about what men like/dislike about oral sex as the title said this would be the topic of the article, but we also learned what happens to reading comprehension when you smoke crack. Case & point: Byrony1.

  5. To tell you the truth I don’t need a woman to give me oral sex!!!!. Im 64(male). I would rather give her oral sex. Its not about me–Its about her(you.). I love you Ladies. Semper Fi

  6. I am really glad I found out however I wish I could have known this years ago that not so gently handling or kissing his cock could not be felt by the man. I spent alot of time gently kissing stroking and handling a cock not knowing the man wanted it harder. I ended up with sore neck knees and lock jaw!!

  7. The best advice I can give to any woman or man on this subject, is talk to your partner and ask them to give tips! Sometimes a guy likes to get it slow and deep, and sometimes it’s nice to get it fast and shallow. and guys, you need to do the same with the gals, ask them for tips! Sometimes they like a little more suction on the clit, and sometimes they like a little more tongue action mixed with finger action. Talk to each other, and more than just in the bedroom!

  8. Zoe, from one New York City Girl to another…thanks! I so enjoyed your piece, no pun intended. The topic is something I’m totally into, right after world peace, of course…and advice is definitely welcome. I’m always trying to upgrade! Ha!

  9. Aw, Sgt. Heart, thanks for that! I know several guys myself who care more about going down on a woman than getting a BJ. So “what men really want” does differ from man to man.

  10. This article has caused quite the uproar if I may say… Watch the claws on the keyboard: it is only an article and an informative one at that 😉 Thx Betty

  11. I, too, was disgusted to find out, one more time,that it is all about the male. Darned right it is selfish to expect such pleasure that leaves to woman to wonder when it will be shared together.
    Believe me, when you continue to give the man everything he wants and asks for, he will get bored. He will become more self centered.
    I will unsubscribe tonight as well. I thought this site might empower me, as a woman, not throw me to the over-sexed male population.

  12. My husband called bs on this. So Im wondering if these men were circ’ed ,because my husband is not and he loves licks and kisses. I didnt believe him at first ,but his thing proved that for me LOL. Anyway I feel like this info is flawed and Id urge women to ask your men before changing how you do things , he might really love it like mine does!!!!

  13. Zoe should read the resposes from her readers more. Whoever she is giving head to is fooling her. Completely. Skill level is totally irrelevant to enjoyment, eagerness, and anticipation. In that order. Women practicing “deep throat” with too much gagging…..makes me ask for the lollipop, rather than the lap of vomit. bryony1 is right..this is more about men, but as a man…much of this information is not from men. True..the head is the most sensitive….hand and mouth works best…(2 hands and a mouth if there is room)..SSSOOO sorry bryony1 this is supposed to be about women… OK If you girls don’t bite, and enjoy what you are doing……….that’s about enough for any man. After that you are talking skill level…and most men appreciate the difference between a great bj shared amongst many men, and one just for us, better because it is just for us, and not something learned from practice upon many other men. For giving head to women..I am always looking to improve myself, bryony; so please write me about technique. But this is mostly women readers so I guess it depends what you are looking for. I would never write a gay site asking about cunnilingus or (eating pu++y) ya know?? Choose the appropriate forum before you get angry. And don’t stop…a bad BJ is better than none; so keep trying ladies, we all appreciate it!!!!

  14. Ooohh some of you are missing the point completely. Consenting adults always ask…”is that right”, “do you like that”, “baby, how can I do it better FOR YOU!!!!” Come on you silly girls…the best way to blow any guy is to ask HIM what he likes. One of you mentioned light kisses…I love that..and….nibbles with light biting…kisses and licks…get as rough as HE likes it. I’ve had women grab my sack and be so rough it scared me….and hurt, too. Every one of us men is different. Some of you women know what I mean, too. A little nibble, a gnaw here and there, 2 fingers or 3, maybe more or even less………….determination with expert advice from sbove,works best for us all.

  15. I have only one suggestion to add…hot testicles are not happy testicles. Gently stoke and tickle the scrotum to keep track of what testicles are doing if you must…but covering them with your hand will not help you accomplish your goal.

  16. Wow, one thing I definately learned was a guy would never…ever turn down a blow job?? So in other words, any female no matter who she is or what she is confronts a man, he will accept?? That’s enlightning. Oh yes, but that’s right, It won’t mean anything except that it’s a free exciting blow job. Then he can just drive on home to his wife and act like everything is okay.

    All in all, thanks for the input. I actually did learn a few things.

  17. As a guy, I was disappointed that the article did not address swallowing versus spitting. Ladies to give a complete blow job, you need to swallow the man’s come. You simply let him shoot in the back of your throat and quickly swallow and you will never even taste it. ONly when you try and block his comje with your tongue will you taste it because all of your taste buds on the front of your tongue.

    Ladies here is another sure fire technique that will make it great for your guy. Take your silky panties and use the silky side to stroke the underside of his balls quickly and lightly as you are sucking. It will make for a mind blowing climax for him.

    Another thing, you can make it go more efficiently when you have to take your mouth off to take a breath, you need to keep stroking his shaft with your hand. If you stop, it is like going back and having to start all over again.

    Finally, use a vibrator, preferably an electric vibrator like the Hitachi Magic Wand vibrator placed at the base of his dick while you are sucking him. The combination of sucking, vibration and stroking the underside of his balls with your silky panties will result in a mind blowing climax that will make your guy scream in pleasure

  18. I am not sure what constitutes a “real” man. Someone wearing a tie in a NYC office, driver of an eighteen wheeler, a deck hand on an oil drilling unit or a rancher or farmer? Or perhaps an easier question would be, what/who is an unreal man. Women can certainly be air heads when deciding which is which.

    Zoe Turner’s experiences with men may have validity in America but would be entirely different in most civilized countries. All the problems/special techniques related to oral sex mentioned in this thread should be non existent had the Puritanical beliefs imported to America from he Queen Victoria era that masturbation and sex other then for procreation is sinful. It took America’s doctors from 1853 until 1976 to finally admit circumcision did not limit or stop masturbation. Just complicated it and the same for oral sex which was limited primarily to brothels until the release of the movie “Deep Throat” in 1972. The general public picked it up like Gang Busters and now consider it to be as natural as viginal sex.

    I would recommend Zoe Turner or anyone writing about any and all forms of sex to learn along with American medical professionals the anatomy of the male and female genitalia as nature designed them.

    Here is just one place to get started. The reading is educational and if no time for that scroll down and have a look at the drawings and notice the locations of the light touch receptors on male and female genitals. Might help those engaging in either Fellatio or Cunnilingus.


  19. “Zoe Turner’s experiences with men may have validity in America but would be entirely different in most civilized countries.”

    Rickasha, are you saying that men in America are uncivilized?

    And what makes you think that Zoe’s experience with men, sexually, was restricted to only Americans?

    I don’t see where she stated that all male and female genitalia, isn’t as nature designed them?

    Sounds like you got too hot and bothered by the fact that you didn’t write the article… as it seems you have a shite ton to say about what this article ISN’T about.

    History is history.. I don’t think this article argues with that.

    But a person can only write about what they know or what they’re told.

    Seems like this piece was written in that context, from the writer’s experience and those of the men she spoke to.

    Not just a bunch of “research” about what happened when Queen Victoria was on the throne and The Salem witch trials were underway…

    Thank you Zoe, really loved this!

  20. Olivia108 wrote—-

    “Rickasha, are you saying that men in America are uncivilized?”

    No, I am saying that civilized America should have learned the lessons that other civilizations have learned.

    “And what makes you think that Zoe’s experience with men, sexually, was restricted to only Americans?”

    Very simple, the descriptions of oral sex she professed to and the answers given to her by men is a giveaway that all were lacking their foreskins. Educate yourself on what is lost.

    “I don’t see where she stated that all male and female genitalia, isn’t as nature designed them?”

    That was I who mentioned that sense she puts herself out there as an expert on fellatio it would behoove her to wise up on how nature designed the male phallus and understand that 85% of the world’s males her rendition would not necessarily apply to.

    “Sounds like you got too hot and bothered by the fact that you didn’t write the article… as it seems you have a !@#$%e ton to say about what this article ISN’T about.”

    I had no interest to start a campaign in this venue about the damage done to the penis when surgically removing 50% of the sheath and 70% of the neuron sensor/transmitters but thoroughly disgusted reading about the sexual problems and antics required for gratification. A situation forced on our male youth obviously without their consent. Remove your clitoral prepuce and then tell me it made no difference in your sexual responses.

    “History is history.. I don’t think this article argues with that.”

    The history of how a medical practice got started is paramount in understanding why it became a culture norm.

    “But a person can only write about what they know or what they’re told.”

    There is such a thing as research. I write about what I know and separate fact from opinions. I challenge anyone to debunk with scientific truth any facts posted. I am sure you didn’t bother to look at the article I linked to. That would add to “what you know.”

    “Seems like this piece was written in that context, from the writer’s experience and those of the men she spoke to.”

    Fair enough and I agree. But she is looking through a very narrow window of experience that is open for debate as to it’s validity across the population.

    “Not just a bunch of “research” about what happened when Queen Victoria was on the throne and The Salem witch trials were underway… ”

    It so happens that the religious rulings of Queen Victoria followed the Puritans to the USA and had much to do with John Harvey Kellogg’s and others onslaught on the babies of America. Not only did he claim that circumcision would cure masturbation and limit sexual activity in male neonates but for some period of time recommended the pouring of carbolic acid on the genitals of baby girls for the same reason. You can say, so what, if you prefer to read that as a female partner to do a blow job properly you need to deep throat and thus swallow all the goo ejaculated rather then learn some anatomical facts. Your choice. As to the seventeenth century Salem witch hunt, I don’t recall them modifying external sexual parts.

  21. lmao! Ok, I loved the article. It’s very informative and exactly what the title said it was (Yay, Zoe!). But I also LOVE seriouslyomgno’s response to byrony1. I love this website and all the contributors!

  22. Nicely put, Seriouslyomgno! Title says it all… More on topic though, this article didn’t really tell me anything that I didn’t already know. It’s obvious that if you don’t enjoy it, then you won’t do your best (that’s not just with giving head, that’s with life in general). For me to know whether or not he likes what I’m doing, look at his face, and listen to the sounds he makes. They will tell it all!

  23. hi all mens luv getting head but you need to please her sweet kitty first and she will give you lot more pleasure.when come to oral sex i could not never get enough of her first.always please the lady first them she think more of your luv making.

  24. I wil tel you how to do it all you por ladys you start by slowly suk and suk and jentelly and sbeedup slowly with presher and ask how do you like it and he sez plees a liddel mor sweet hart and sow on and then just beefor going off reely suk reely fast and hard and dontt stop just keep going be ond after he gos off bekoz he stil gos off eevin wen he stops blowing off and that's kald blowmilkking and that is vairry eezy to do and that is the best way to avoid lok jaa that is the best way to make things not rokkkit syents and you can do it deep az wel if you wontt o o o by the way I dontt baleev that wone side plezer is not the way to go bekoz I cant stand the ththot of that if a ggy gets hed and sow on I feel that the ggy shud give a lidel its that or nothing bekoz it makes me feel happy at the time if its wone sided I go off but mentally feel shake ke and mad bekoz I am not dun I wontt to kuttel and tok and maby hav a nuther round or just hold eech uther and that makes me much much happier if it is 2sidedid plezer that is the best most best way to go so all you selfish broots take my advysse plees I only wontt to make all of you smart and kined hansim gize that kair for all of the sweet ladys that take all of the nasdyist torcher and I am ikstreemly disgustdid the way the men just wontt 1thing or mor with 1sidedid wontts sow if you wontt a reely werking time then go with the 2sidedid wontts you sgrach my bak I sgrach yor bak tipe deel that's the only way that's going to werk that's the only way to straytin all you broots and the nices way can tel you all hav a sayf and hot hot hot and sexy sexy good and helthy and werkabel time godbless you all ggies I hope I help all you ggies dontt make the ladys mad just make the ladys hot hot hot and happy and you wil be laffing that's the top advice I got for all you ggies

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