Why the Guy Who’s Not Your Type May Be Mr. Right
A dating expert encourages women to ditch their checklists and be open to meeting men outside their comfort zone.
“He’s just not my type!” If that’s the exclamation that comes out of your mouth every time you meet a guy you like but he doesn’t fit your “dream man” criteria, and you’re still single, Andrea Syrtash would like to have a word with you.
The dating expert has written a new book, He’s Just Not Your Type (And That’s A Good Thing), and in it, she encourages women to widen their scope (and ideal mate checklist!) and be open to meeting men who seem outside their comfort zone. In other words, consider the idea that Mr. Not-Your-Type could become the love a lifetime. After all, that’s what happened to her.
“I fell accidentally in love,” confesses the former commitment-phobe. “I dated some very successful and accomplished men, including some whose names I can’t mention.” Then Andrea met her now-husband Michael, a New York City educator. Their friendship soon blossomed into love. “I married this goofy teacher that I totally was not looking for, and I’ve never been so happy in love.”
As Andrea points out, “We don’t always wind up with the guy we thought we would be with, or the person we pictured in our head,” and that’s OK. “I want to encourage women that if they feel strongly for someone who may not add up on paper not to be afraid of those feelings because pursuing it could lead to a great love and life partner.” With this in mind, we decided to talk with Andrea about her book, and the thinking behind it:
What inspired you to write this book?
“Ten years ago a friend called me crying and told me that she’d fallen in love. She was totally freaked out because the guy wasn’t her type, and yet she was really happy. She was having these great emotions for someone and questioning it. So many of us overanalyze who we’re dating. I realized that the right match is about a feeling, not a thought.”
What’s the biggest mistake you see women making when they date?
“A lot of women date the potential of a man, not the person. It’s a wonderful quality a lot of women have, that we think guys can be changed or come around if we’re there long enough. But we need to learn to read their actions, not their words. It doesn’t matter if he’s promising you the world. If you’re not getting what you need, that’s your clue to move on.”