Why I Lie to My Bikini Waxer

Nicole Christie explains why she feels the need to lie to her bikini waxer.
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Why I Lie to My Bikini Waxer

Back by popular demand! This is one of those great stories that never gets old … enjoy!

-Nicole Christie

Bikini

I was never much into waxing until I moved to New York. Back in Seattle–land of polar fleece and Birkenstocks–nether-region body hair was only an issue if it was hanging out of your bathing suit. In New York, it’s an issue if it exists at all.

And so I got hooked on the Brazilian (or semi-Brazilian – think Chiclet) – courtesy of a petite Russian woman named Natasha. She is quick, impeccable, and at just $30, her waxes are a somewhat well-kept New York secret. I faithfully visit her every four weeks and twist myself into various labor-and-delivery-like positions as she works her defuzzing action – all the while guiding me with Lamaze breathing.

Read Bikini Waxing 101

“Deep in…and PUSH!” she barks as I inhale sharply, then exhale with force as she rips the muslin from my skin. This technique effectively distracts me from the pain – as does Natasha’s Vulvic Small Talk. At first, this was limited to the weather, my plans for the weekend, and whether I had any vacations lined up. But on the third visit, she ventured into the seriously personal.

“And how is zee monster?” she asked.

I lifted my head and stared down at her, puzzled. “I don’t have one.”

“No monster?” she said, eyebrows raised. “I thought you had monster.”

“No, I don’t have kids.”

“No, no,” she laughed. “Not kids. Monster. Boyfriend.”

“Oh,” I replied. “I don’t have a boyfriend either.”

“Oh…no monster. Is too bad,” she said, slathering wax onto my groin.


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0 thoughts on “Why I Lie to My Bikini Waxer

  1. lilshopper44 says:

    haha love this!

  2. ChicSinger8 says:

    LOL, hilarious.

  3. rosie818 says:

    I’ve lied before, I always feel it”s necessary to explain myself when I go in there.

  4. bellavita says:

    “waxism”=hilarious. i definitely lie to my waxer, too!

  5. LookitsCynthia says:

    one time my waxer asked me about my boyfriend and i replied that we just broke up and she totally gave me this look like “then what the hell are we doing here?!” so yes, i would def. lie too!

  6. Fern says:

    hahaha!! — SO funny Nicole!

  7. jasyjen says:

    This is just too cute! I’ve never had the nerve to wax, but now I know that a few white lies may help me out a little. :-)

  8. needcoffee says:

    i just got a bikini wax for the seoncd time in my life. the first i got about five years ago and sWORE i’d never do it again because it hurt so much. i tried it again last week and don’t think i’m going to be able to do it for another five years.it hurts!!!!! does it get any better?

  9. blondeambition says:

    waxing totally gets better needcoffee! it’s the first time that hurts the most, if you went routinely it wouldn’t hurt so bad the 2nd time and would get easier each time.

  10. Strong and Quirky says:

    I’ve never had a bikini wax. sadly, now I don’t think I ever will thanks to Steve Carell’s painful wax experience in The 40 Year Old Virgin haha

  11. PattyMosso says:

    I have never went for a Wax down there, I wanted too. But the pain well im a baby cant handle that so I wont do it. I just shave shave shave, And even though I hate it, I have no choice so I do it. And I have a man, He is always asking when will I go get waxed. After 13 years you would think he would know by now it is never going to happen.
    Patty M

  12. uptowngirl says:

    Nicole, you aren’t the only one who uses Natasha…and I second everything you said!

  13. weetziebat says:

    This it totally hysterical – got my day off to a good start

  14. shamrockblonde says:

    *runs off to find the mysterious Natasha*

    as a wax virgin, I figure I should probably get the best for my first time…..

  15. ignatius718 says:

    As a woman of a certain age, I can’t do it. Legs and “pits, sure, but men of a certain age say they don’t like it, a little too much like being with a child.

  16. Addie says:

    Okay….so if no monster, why do the waxing in the first place? Really, who is seeing it??

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