Why Men Cheat

Men reveal what makes them stray.
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Why Men Cheat

Men reveal what makes them stray.

-Margeaux Baulch Klein

A cheating man

The sports world’s golden boy, Tiger Woods, isn’t looking so golden any more. We’re all glued to the story as details emerge about mistresses, sexting, and incriminating voicemails. Of course, David Letterman and ESPN’s Steve Phillips were the last crop of cheating men to dominate the headlines. And while the media has a field day with it all, the idea itself that men cheat isn’t exactly new.

According to the 2004 American Sex Survey, the sad truth is that almost one-fifth of married or co-habitating men will cheat on their partners at some point in their relationships, and while it may be easy to throw your hands in the air and proclaim that all men are ruled by their penises (after all, how else can you explain two men dumb enough to cheat on Halle Berry and Christie Brinkley?), more often than not, what leads men to stray isn’t just about sex.

According to Dr. Scott Haltzman, a Brown University professor and psychiatrist who specializes in gender issues, men cheat as a result of three factors: need, opportunity, and the inability to resist impulses.

Read Tiger Woods: The Fairytale Is Over

“Most people assume that men cheat because they need or want more sex, but excluding the maybe 20 percent of cheaters who are sex addicts, there are usually more complex psychological issues at work.”

That certainly seems to be the case for Rick*, 46, who confesses that although he has been married for 19 years, he sees escorts on a regular basis to boost his self-esteem.

“My spouse over the years has stopped liking sex that I like. I do my best to please her, but it goes both ways. On some level, I cheat because of personal insecurity about myself and my ‘manliness’ and attractiveness. For an hour or so, I am a handsome, desirable man who is good in bed and still has the ability to please a woman in many ways (although I will admit pleasure can be real and can be faked). That’s satisfying on many levels,” he says.

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0 thoughts on “Why Men Cheat

  1. Men or women who cheat definitely have issues that they have to deal with. If your in a troubled relationship, then you have to get out. No one ever wins in a distrustful relationship. Trust and loyalty are two elements that people forget to look for in a long-term relationship.

  2. Contrary to this article’s claim, it IS a woman’s fault for getting beaten by her husband. She deserves it for her original sin(Garden of Eden). This article has no biblical slant whatsoever, and the Bible is the ultimate moral authority to most Americans. Like it or not ladies, “for better and worse” and “honor and obey” are not catch phrases. Every good Latter Day Saint wife knows this.

  3. @ lisa_b: You’ve got to be kidding. And, I hope you are spoofing, to write something like that. Nobody gets to abuse anybody, ever. Most children learn this by age 6 (if they don’t, they are labeled “narcissists”, and people are warned not to get involved with them!). Why would you advocate that men get to get away with it with their wives? If the women of the LDS Church truly agree with and believe in this, it is no wonder that your beliefs are not taken seriously by other women. Stepford wives, anyone?

  4. You know whats unsexy? Having a sexy momment with your one and only having to stop because a stray away pube is in your mouth, so you struggle to get it out, but you can’t and now you want to gag. I am lucky my lady shaves for me, but dont get your panties in a bunch if you are a strong feminist because I reciprocate as well. Its about knowing what you want sexually, and finding a partner that is compatible with you. Some people just dont like hair.

  5. Previous post was for another article sorry. this article blames the man for being childish and not speaking up when their are problems. How do women expect us to speak up when we live in a society that makes men grow up learning to not cry, to not show emotion, to be a “man”, to be strong and not be a girl or a “fag”. It is not that simple. Men cheat because we do not get acknowledged at home, the lack of love and affection. men for the most part are insecure, and if we dont feel loved at home, the first person to show it outside will fill in that void. I dont think its an excuse because if you are miserable you should just leave. I just dont like that they paint the man as evil and the woman as the victim, women cheat to.

  6. To “CLASSYLADY,” my comment is no spoof, just truth. I do not support so-called ‘equal rights for women,’ because women today, and for some time, have made every attempt to get not just equal-but special-rights, i.e. Affirmative Action, and ‘Diversity Innitiatives’. Since when are women a minority? There are more women than men! We influence all men from the womb to the tomb, and yet, the modern woman does not know when to stop expecting more and more power, possessions, and favors. The ‘sad’ truth is, that there is no such thing as equality between men and women. We are different sexes, and our Creator gave us different strengths, weaknesses, and abilities. I have no argument with you, per se. I restate, it IS a woman’s fault for getting beaten by her husband, and there are 2 inescapable premises for this argument: 1. It’s virtually certain the woman knew the man was a scumbag long before she married him, and probably chose such a person due to her own mental issues. 2. In the rare chance that the women was never ill-handled before marriage, almost no women leave abusive husbands after only one offense. As a matter of fact, most “abusive” situations are two-sided, with mutual argument and inappropriate physical behavior leading to an inevitable climax-the stronger partner(usually the man), ends the fight through escalated physicality. These points are independently varifiable, and I suggest you do some research before questioning the viability of others’ statements outright. I pray you find the guidance, grace, and patience of God.

  7. Ummm lisa_b girrrl u r tripping out. So I would say that women don’t want special rigts we want equal rights meaning the need to be respected just the same as any other individual. We haven’t been for so long u know? And also, yes we influence all men (our sons) from the womb to the tomb as u say LOL ok, well what about our daughters? I feel sorry for yours should u ever have one if she makes a mistake and chooses the wrong man. So ur saying a woman who gets shoved down a flight of stairs deserved it because she said hi to the doorman? Nooo there was no flirting just being polite as usual (a true story). Of course couples have disagreements but, that does not give either person the right to physically harm just because they didn’t like what was said-that is pure ignorance. I mean, disagreements aren’t always disrespectful either…

  8. wow…..Just, wow…..You girls…..like, um…probably ALL of you…are nuts, lol. It’s like what everybody(including woman) says are true about women. what lead them all to think this way? chemicals? :( I’m sad, it cant be fixed. Insane for life it seems… qq.

    all right, like the girl zerg alliance commence, FLAME ON! :)

  9. cheating.. – er wrong.. for whatever reason..
    whether its to fill up holes.. eliminate insecurities.. or even just to get back the “manliness” that had been loss.. but personally i think it’s the lack of communication.. if people talked about how they felt more.. like being tied down.. choked.. feeling unloved.. you can eliminate 2 main factors already.. need and opportunity.. when your partner knows what you need.. they can fill that whole.. “your needs..” the no one has to seek the opportunity.. or seize the opportunity.. and there would be one really.. cause your partner would be alerted of it already..

    and when it comes to inability to resist impulses.. i really have no say in that.. for me that’s just human nature.. like an animal instinct.. weak times.. then it’s really up to the person if he/she will give into his/her weakness..

  10. cheating.. – er wrong.. for whatever reason..
    whether its to fill up holes.. eliminate insecurities.. or even just to get back the “manliness” that had been losT.. but personally i think it’s the lack of communication.. if people talked about how they felt more.. like being tied down.. choked.. feeling unloved.. you can eliminate 2 main factors already.. need and opportunity.. when your partner knows what you need.. they can fill that whole.. “your needs..” the no one has to seek the opportunity.. or seize the opportunity.. and there wouldN’T be one really.. cause your partner would be alerted of it already..

    and when it comes to inability to resist impulses.. i really have no say in that.. for me that’s just human nature.. like an animal instinct.. weak times.. then it’s really up to the person if he/she will give into his/her weakness..


  11. to lisa_b, omg girl you are truly brainwashed by your religion. How can you ever blame a woman for getting beat by her husband/boyfriend, someone much stronger than her? Men and women are never matched physically, therefore a man is a coward for ever hitting a woman. Hopefully you have never been abused, and if you are, I pray that you will snap out of your brainwashed reality and see the light of day. I am a Christian but some sects of Christianity like LDS church I can never understand.

  12. oh and about the cheating article, cheating is wrong no matter what the reason is. And that goes for both men and women. You should treat people how you want to be treated. If you don’t want anyone cheating on you, then don’t cheat on someone. Its a basic law of karma. How rediculous to say “Oh I am insecure and I need attention and my ego to be boosted so I am gonna cheat.” What a selfish and self-centered way to live life. If you are having problems, go to counseling or a pastor and try to work things out. If the marriage or relationship can’t be saved, get a divorce. Don’t complicate a bad relationship with another relationship. I thank God I grew up with a mother and father who had disagreements but loved each other enough to make the marriage work no matter what. I don’t understand how you can love someone, make a vow “till death do us part” then change your mind about it. Unless a spouse is abusive, try to work things out.

  13. About men hitting women. Men can hit women if they’re attacked first. What gives women the right to assult men whenever they feel like it but when a man hits them back the man is a coward. If men are expected to control their selfs then women should do the same. With that logic a small man could punch a body builder in the face and the body builder shouldn’t hit him back. The smaller guy would have no right to use physical force against the body builder and if he did then he should be prepaired for whats comming to him.

  14. ok, all….forgetting about the people in this world who do nothing but cheat..but looking at the men and women who seem to committ themselves to relationships and then wind up cheating…it normally happens because the couple stop meeting each others most important emotional needs (whether they are aware of it or not) and they also usually exhibit some type of ‘selfish’ behavior (ie. making decisions without being in agreement with each other or saying/doing things in a hurtful manner) whether they are aware of it or not. When this happens, one or both of them start looking elsewhere in order to have thier needs met, and unfortunately, if someone of the opposite sex shows up and offers to meet those needs, then you have an affair. I am not saying that it is right at all, but if you learn to understand the needs of your mate and them of yours, you probably won’t have this opportunity. This make so much sense and is exactly what the article is stating.

  15. Now, on another note…about Eve. I don’t remember anywhere in the Bible where it states that Eve must endure physical violence from her husband. In fact, it states that we women must endure pain in childbirth because of Eve’s choices. The Bible also states that husbands are to love thier wives as they do the church and wives are to respect thier husbands. The last time I checked, love and respect don’t equal abuse. In fact, this kind of sounds like what I wrote up above. God is so smart, he knows that for women, the emotional connection of Love is our highest need, whereas for men, thier highest need is respect. Seems pretty simple to me. Isn’t God so awesome?
    Also, about physical or verbal abuse…several of you have it ALL wrong!!! No person (male or female) has any right to lay a hand of terror on your mate. Period. If, say for example, a woman were to hit her man first, well, she is abusing her mate. Period. She is wrong and if he hits back, he is wrong. However, what I find offensive about your statement, is that you imply that men only hit woman when woman hit the men first. You couldn’t be further from the truth!!!! Yes, this may happen in a small amount of cases, and possibly it has happened to you, but from someone who is a Domestic Violence survivor, I find your statement very offensive. I NEVER EVER layed a hand on my ex, and I NEVER EVER instigated with words, looks, arguments, or whatever, any abuse that I entailed. It came out of the blue. And even if I had said something, no one has a right to lay a hand on me. I remember one time taking a wrath pretty bad just because I was laying in bed sick with the flu and my ex had put two dishes in the sink. Apparently, he didn’t like the fact that he was so selfish he couldn’t put the two dishes that HE used in dishwasher while I was sleeping, that he had to come into the bedroom, and drag me out of bed and start his wrath because, well, I was sick and not taking care of my duties. Case in point. Also, I would like for you to know that when I left, I left. I didn’t go back. But I was the lucky one, because I am self sufficient. Most women don’t leave because they are so brain washed and deprived, they don’t know where to go and they don’t know what to do. It is really sad. I would suggest that before you make judgements about why a woman doesn’t leave, or why a woman is abused, that you first learn how it occurs. These men who do this, do it deliberately. They do it intentionally. They do it calculating. They know what they are doing, and they prey on women they foresee as weak (financially, educationally, emotionally, etc). Becasue the strong won’t last, they get the heck out. They deliberately tear these woman down slowly, and yes it usually starts after marriage (Mine did). Its so slow that the woman has no idea what is going on. And that is exactly what he wants. The sad part is that to the outsider, most everything seems fine. However, once you have been there, you can spot it right off the bat. I ask you that before you make a very generalized and uninformed opinion on something that is detrimental and possibly life threatening, that you inform yourself first, understand the dynamics – it actually makes you more powerful.

  16. ps. To Lisa B…I don’t know where you are getting your so called “documented” research from, but my information not only comes from my own personal experience but that as well from The authority in the field of spousal abuse – Patricia Evans. I would encourage you to check this out. Also, you may personally believe that this is acceptable in your practice and religion, but the God I know doesn’t allow for this. This brings a most interesting conflict as well – I have never met a member of the LDS that I have not liked. All of them seem so kind, nice and giving – which is what Jesus/God teaches us. I find this very ironic. I respect your differences in beliefs and I will not try to shove my beliefs down your throat, per se. But I would think, that something we do have in common is that you should always try to be your best and be the best person you can. Just some food for thought.
    And for those of you who are not clear on this – keep in mind that although LDS does state that they are Christians, they only have about two fundamental beliefs that align with the Protestant Christian beliefs. This may in fact be the cause for the confusion stated earlier about the differences in her Christianity and your Christianity.

  17. Oh and Armyranger69 – violence is always wrong, of course a woman should never hit a man. Also, most women may want to only be paid like a man, and not treated like a man, but some of us are consistent in our beliefs. I don’t want men to pay for me, or open the door for me, based on the fact that I’m a woman. You seem to have made up your mind about this, so you probably won’t believe me, but I JUST want to be treated like a human being. I also want people to be considerate…..OF EVERYONE. That means if I’m carrying four bags of groceries and you’re at the door, sure hold it open while I go through. I would certainly do the same for any man or woman. But if you pay for a date, I’m going to pay for the next one, and so on.

  18. Well korivh1978 I wish more women had the same mindset as you but the simple fact is they don’t. You have it right about the human thing but most women do not. Im sure you can name a few that you might know but that is not the majority of women.

  19. Also don’t be to proud to take advantage of the perks of being a women. I would love for women to pay for my every meal and open every door for me. You might think that men will think less of you when you get that treatment but men have been thinking less of women since the begining of time. Yes it would be great for women to be equal but what makes 2009 any different than the last 5000 years? I’m not against women’s rights but I am a realist. All I’m saying is take advantage of the treatment.

  20. good post ladelamor about verbal or physical abuse and whether its coming from men or women. one of the problems is we tend to easily more relate from our point of view (male or female) and we tend to defend those positions. life is very complicated because nobody is really in control (at least none of us common folk) and thats what people like, we like things to go our way, we like our comfort zones, but the trouble is everybody has different wayseverybody’s opinion is valid, I may not agree, but I can honestly say that every poster here has valid thoughts. While Lisa is viewing this from her religious beliefs. There are parts I can see or at least agree with in part. While I may not agree about the women deserving to be physically abused, I don’t think that is what she is trying to get at. We do all play a part in this play, sometimes it’s the small things we say or do that is part of the emerging escalation in things. BUT make no mistake you NEVER, assault another person.

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