Why Porn is Teaching Your Man Bad Habits in Bed

From "women are always ready” to "foreplay isn't necessary” ... bad lessons from the porn industry.
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Why Porn is Teaching Your Man Bad Habits in Bed

From “women are always ready” to “foreplay isn’t necessary” … bad lessons from the porn industry.

-Charles J. Orlando

A frustrated man in bed with a woman

Over this past weekend, I got into a discussion with friends that (inevitably) led to sex and pornography, and it all boiled down to two questions: Is porn a good thing, or a bad thing? And … what does it do for our sex lives?

Firstly, let’s acknowledge that pornography can be good for some people. Couples going through a hard time sexually are often prescribed pornography as a way of reengaging and rejuvenating their sex lives. And some people are voyeuristic, and get turned on watching others. But if your guy thinks that the reel-life he’s seeing should be anything like your real-life in the bedroom, then there’s a problem. Here’s why:

Porn. Is. Fake.

Once you strip away the facade of overacted orgasms, bulging biceps and silicone implants, you can remember that there is a crew of 10-15 people on the set — and from that simple fact, the fakery is obvious. These are people getting paid to perform a job … and it’s no different than any other form of entertainment. The question is: Does your guy believe that it’s real?

As an analogy, some WWE fans allow themselves to believe the “wrestling” they are watching is real, too, but the key difference is that most wrestling fans — even if they think wrestling is real — won’t try performing a pile-driver on their friends. And that’s where porn seems to be different.

“My [sexual partner] will love this, because those porn starlets love it.”

Last weekend one of my friends looked at me completely serious, eyes burning, and said, with much conviction (and volume):

F**K porn, Charles. Period. I mean, who told men that I like it when they … ” [she then takes two fingers and pounds violently on the table with them] on my clit!?”

We all laughed hysterically, but it was then that I truly understood how the porn industry is teaching its target market (read: men) all the wrong things, creating a huge disconnect with what men expect in bed.


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0 thoughts on “Why Porn is Teaching Your Man Bad Habits in Bed

  1. LookitsCynthia says:

    Hahaha! All of these are so true, but ESPECIALLY number 2.

  2. Candice says:

    Love this article, Charles!

    So true!

    “Wanna bump uglies?” Haha – Definitely doesn’t do it for me.

  3. nevie_one says:

    I believe that men want to believe that it’s real. My husband once was watching some poor girl, Cassandra, have anal sex. I took one look and said, “Do you honestly believe she’s enjoying that? Look at her face-she’s in agony!!!!!! Cassandra will never be able to sh_t normally again.” He also believes that the moaning is for real.

  4. SexyPrime says:

    Good article, Charles!
    As a research sexologist, blogger and sex book author, I get so many questons on anal intercourse. Men want to do it the way it’s done in films: Just push it in.
    They do not see the preparation that goes into anal intercourse. The actress has one or two enemas the night before, no food before the shoot–and she wears a butt plug for at least an hour. Using an anal syringe, she squirts ample amounts of lube up her rectum.
    And then he just slips it in.
    Yes, some of those girls are still in pain. The actors have larger penises than most men-and they pound the girl anally.
    Ladies, show your guys some educational DVDs on subjects like anal sex, oral sex, arousal techniques.

  5. RedAJG says:

    My BF has an 18 year old son who lives with us. The son’s girlfriend of a few months went to NY for two weeks in July, and ever since the night she came back, when they have sex, it’s like living stuck in a bad porno soundtrack. They were sexually active BEFORE that trip and we didn’t hear them, so something happened on that trip to change her behavior — my guess is a porno that she thinks she has to copy. While most people use music to cover up the sounds of sex when they know other people are around (especially parental types!), this girl makes an effort to SCREAM over it! Nothing we say has an effect – she thinks it’s funny and isn’t at all embarrassed, and he thinks it’s a badge of honor! Anyone got any advice on this one? It’s driving me crazy! I feel like I have to leave my own home sometimes.

  6. charlesjorlando says:

    @SexyPrime – Thanks for reading! Yeah… this needed to be said. :)

  7. LLD says:

    i dont like that my husband thinks is real because then he tries to do the same thing on me and i dont enjoy it at all

  8. blondeelicious says:

    “The actress has one or two enemas the night before, no food before the shoot–and she wears a butt plug for at least an hour. Using an anal syringe, she squirts ample amounts of lube up her rectum.
    And then he just slips it in.”

    Amazing little bit of info there! I knew that they didn’t just go straight into it but I didn’t know exactly what the prep was, it’s interesting because anal is one of the things I enjoy watching the most in porn.

    I think that the difference between a guy watching porn and thinking it’s for real and knowing it’s fantasy is their maturity level and how much REAL action they’re getting (and how responsive they are to our reaction). If a guy is going to believe that the fantasy is real, he’s going to learn quickly that it doesn’t do it for us is he pays any sort of attention at all to the girls’ reactions.

  9. YULiANA says:

    i think anal sex is DISGUSTING and i dont see why men like it so much. ive found some “videos” on my boyfriends computer and they’re all anal sex.. he better get his satisfaction from watching those cuz NEVER in his or my lifetime will we be doing any of that!

  10. Sticky Honey says:

    Let’s not forget that sex shouldn’t be carpentry. The “in-out hard and a fast as you can” while ignoring (or abusing) the clit usually doesn’t do anything for the girl not getting paid. However, porn also gets women into a habit of faking orgasms because they’re orgasms aren’t quite as… Loud as the average porn stars.

  11. Jack says:

    While I do agree that many men never stop to see how fake most porn movies are, an equally important issue is why men gravitate towards porn.

    It seems that 9 out of 10 women despise porn and all that it brings, but at the same time they expect their men to be content with relatively boring and seldom sex. And when their men slip off to view porn those same wives and girlfriends wonder why.

    Granted men are visual creatures, as well as being known for constantly thinking with the wrong “head”. But still, the key elements to keeping a man from porn are being exciting, fun, open-minded, and candid in bed. If more women had that mind-set towards intimacy the porn industry would lose a sizeable number of their male viewers overnight.

    Oh, and I agree with the women who have submitted opinions so far. There is no place in the bedroom for selfishness, ignorance, or pain. Sex is about sharing something very very special together.

  12. bryony1 says:

    #5. RedAJG on 09/25/2009 – 8:43 pm (EDT)
    I have advice. It’s shut up or get out. An 18-year-old and his girlfriend –if they’re old enough to live with you and your b/f, they’re old enough to live on their own. what your b/f say, right on?

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