Recently, I started working with a self-confessed player, helping him write his guide to banging chicks. I always believed that men thought like that – going into bars, clubs, weddings with only one motive in mind – but what I didn’t realize was that they were so aware that they were doing it. I had begun to think that the player was like a dog sniffing another dog’s poop, he didn’t consider his actions, and certainly didn’t pre-meditate his behavior. I thought it was innate, hormonal, as natural as breathing.
My boyfriend shakes his head when I tell him this, “We’ve been trained, you know?”
I get the feeling I am being let in on some long-standing boy secret. Like all the men in the world are actually Jason Bourne – secret agents in scoring chicks.
“Well, anyone with an older brother knows – get the girl drunk and it makes having sex so much easier.”
“That’s gross,” I recoil.
“Yeah,” he shrugs. “But it’s true. I didn’t have an older brother so it wasn’t as easy for me.”
Though my boyfriend is sweet and attractive, even his dad will tell you, “he was never a player.”
My boyfriend likes relationships more than I do. But before finding him, I had certainly gone through my fair share of the other type: the user, the player, the Jason Bourne mastermind who had clearly gotten the rule book on how to make a girl think you love her so that she’ll put out. So I seek out some professional guidance and call Mark M. – a guy who’s so good at getting chicks he’s writing a book about it to teach others. I figure he can tell me what goes through a man’s mind when he decides to use a girl.
Mark is frank with me, “It’s very difficult for a man to decline sex. We normally sleep with the girl, and then worry about her feelings later.”
Since Mark also considers himself a nice guy, I press on, “But what do you do if the girl wants a relationship and all you want is sex?”
“Well, the saying is true: honesty is the best policy,” Mark explains. “If you’re up front with the girl, you can have a casual sexual relationship. But I will say, I think it’s difficult to sleep with someone more than five times, without one of the two of you wanting more.”
Since Mark is so good at what he does, I ask him to give me a run through. After he’s done, I feel like I could go pick up chicks. Mark demonstrates:
1. “Every time I leave my house, I plan to bring home a girl or at least her phone number.” According to Mark, players are always on the look out – grocery stores, bars, Starbucks. Everywhere is an opportunity.
2. “I think that strategy is all about confidence. I think most men try to wing it and that’s where the disconnect is. A lot of guys can’t take no for an answer, they would rather not try to make the play and just go home and masturbate.” Disturbing but true. Mark goes on to explain that a player is different, a player always goes in if he’s interested.