A Real Player Shares: Behind the Mind of A Womanizer

Confessions of a Player - How the rulebook to scoring chicks might actually be about the secret search for love.
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A Real Player Shares: Behind the Mind of A Womanizer

3. So how can you tell if they’re interested? “I walk in with positioning in mind,” Mark tells me.  “I order a drink near a girl I want to initiate conversation with. I am always scoping the place out.” So they do know what they’re doing, at least the ones that have bigger plans than masturbation!

4. As a single girl, no one would ask for my number but apparently Mark does so all the time: “Adults reach out and don’t play a game. A man will call the next day; a boy will wait to call. When a guy calls you, you can always tell what he wants by the date he offers. Drinks mean sex; dinner means there might be something more.”

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5. But I wonder – is it always about getting laid? “Usually, if you sleep with someone the first night, there won’t be a relationship. We do put women who hold out on a higher value. It’s like, ‘If she’s putting out with me on the first night, she’s probably doing that with everyone.’ It doesn’t make you feel special. But that’s not always the case. I’ve had two friends get married who met by having a one-night stand.”

6. Which leads us to – the aftermath: Mark explains, “If I sleep with a girl, I always reach out the next day through a call or a text so that they don’t feel bad the next day. It’s about minimizing buyer’s remorse, which helps if I want to sleep with them again too.” Ah, the courtesy text, and they think they’re doing us a favor.

7. Does it ever turn into more? “If after you’ve had an orgasm, you don’t want to kick them out of the bed, that says something good about what could be there. The old adage says that ‘the definition of eternity is the time between when you cum and when they leave.’ If you still want them next to you, if you’re cuddling and spooning, that means there’s synergy and that you might want to hang out with them again.”

Sadly, I have been that girl too many times. The one who gets the courtesy text, that feels the seconds clicking by between orgasm and departure, the one who puts out on the first night, and wonders why it didn’t work. But the funny part is I know that Mark is seeking love as much as I am. I know he had his heart broken by his last girlfriend, and that sport f*&%ing is as much about filling the time until the next one comes along as it is about fulfilling some weird male instinct.

I ask Mark if he was given the guidebook growing up, the one my boyfriend thought everyone else got but him. Mark explains that wasn’t the case. “I never got the lesson through my brother or dad. I learned how to pick up chicks by getting rejected. But I also learned that rejection isn’t failure. Failure is not going in.”

I wonder whether that’s better. Because as much as the one-night stands got old after a while, going home empty-handed was just as bad. I hated going to the bar, the grocery store, the Starbucks, and seeing some guy look at me and not approach. And I was just as clueless. Maybe I should have employed Mark’ tricks, as he says, “I believe that by having a strategy that’s made me more successful.”

Strategy in love was never my strong suit, but perhaps that’s why I am now with someone who was never a player. We were both just two clueless people looking for love, and I think, though it might be hard to admit, so is Mark.

Kristen McGuiness is the author of 51/50: The Magical Adventures of a Single Life.


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8 thoughts on “A Real Player Shares: Behind the Mind of A Womanizer

  1. uptowngirl says:

    I doubt he’ll find love if he keeps talking about women as if they’re commodities. It’s one thing to have a hookup strategy; it’s another to talk about “minimizing buyer’s remorse.”

  2. mothermeryl says:

    He sounds obnoxious. Not good boyfriend or husband material.

  3. carbonware says:

    You never hear about older happy players and most guys don’t see sex as a notch on the belt, at least not the good ones. Problem is many girls like the bad boys, like the smart ass, and the player and then can’t figure out why they always seem to be with jerks and dogs.

    Nice guys don’t try to score they try to meet people, make friends, honestly many of use actually like romance even if we don’t admit it. Not all guys are jocks or jerks but if thats all your finding perhaps it’s time to try looking in other places and at guys that don’t fit your mold.

    When I was single bars were the last place I’d go looking for relationships, you go there to act like a child who is allowed to drink and say stupid pick-up lines. Real men don’t need it and we don’t play games.

    But perhaps if a player makes sense to you, he might not be the guy to bring home to Mom but I’m betting your not the girl to bring home either or you’d know better.

  4. M_In_O_Town says:

    Yeah well I’m one of those “nice guys” that carbonware talks about. I try to meet PEOPLE when I’m out and about. I don’t drink, I don’t use drugs I don’t use “pick up lines” and I’ve ending up being with a lot of women fromn various walks of life.

    It wasn’t something I conciously planned,I was just myself smd they were just attracted to me. And they made the first move, “you could kiss me now” or “let’s go to my place” or “get me out of here” they get that look in their eyes and what I call “gooey smile” and it’d would just be on. I even had a “mash note” thrown at me once.

    I seen a lot of guys act like they haven’t been with a woman in 10 years and it’s childish. Dude…stop it!!! But these days you got to have “the latest hommie haircut” to “play the game” and I’m not willing to do that, I’d rather be me and not some “viral fashion plate” that just follows the crowd and trend. Have fun.

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