An Unspoken Parenting Epidemic

Mommy snubbing is an unspoken parenting epidemic.

In Her Words

An Unspoken Parenting Epidemic

Mommy snubbing

-Pamela Brill

Talk to the handAs a student, my grades were mostly above average, so why do I feel as though I’m repeating high school sometimes? It’s that blasted epidemic – no not the swine flu. The one that seems to run rampant along the parenting circuit these days: one I like to call “mommy snubbing.”

If you’ve ever not invited the entire class to your child’s birthday party, you may, in fact, have been a victim of this social disease, and not even known it. I’ve been there already a few times myself. Take earlier this spring, for example. My daughter’s preschool class was a whopping 23 kids – nearly three times the number from last year – so when it came time to plan a party, I frankly wasn’t looking to break the bank. Plus, since we were hosting in our home, a small intimate gathering seemed right on.

We’ve all been through the routine of waiting for RSVPs that never happen. But to come face to face to a mom who, only a few months earlier spent a good 20 minutes with me chewing the fat, and now acts as though I were invisible, is beyond me. Did I mention that her son was invited, but that his best friend was not? We never heard whether or not he’d be at our party and – no big surprise – he never showed. Good manners never go out of style.

The madness doesn’t end there. How awkward is it when one mother abruptly ends her conversation with another mom friend and crosses to the other side of the room when she sees you approaching? Just last spring, you were trading stories about your new babies’ sleep schedules and commiserating over all those lost zzzz’s (yet again). Today, not even a one-word exchange. Can you guess that her son was not on our invite list?

In the wee hours of the night, I wonder if I too am being a mommy snubber, having not invited everyone in class. But hey, isn’t that what school parties are for? After all, I can only burn so many brownies at one time.

I, for one, am tired of this juvenile game. While I’m not a huge fan of confrontation, I’m less thrilled with the idea of treating a mature adult like a child. Sure, people may do something that bothers me every now and then, but I try not to take it personally. Call it a lesson in humility, if you will.

I like to think that becoming a mother has helped me develop a thicker skin. And I hope that I can impart that wisdom to my own daughters someday.

But not right now. I’m too busy being snubbed

When Pamela isn’t fashioning musical instruments out of Poland Spring bottles or tending to that bottomless pit of laundry beckoning from the basement, the mother of two young girls is happily checking out the latest and greatest kids’ products for her blog, The Talking Walnut.

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0 thoughts on “An Unspoken Parenting Epidemic

  1. I think the best rule is — either invite all the kids of the same gender in your child’s class to the party, or just allow your child to invite one friend. Otherwise it’s really cruel to the rest of the kids in the class. If you think you feel snubbed, how must these little kids feel?

  2. While I agree snubbing is juvenile…I also think it’s incredibly rude of you to only invite who *you* feel worthy of inviting…granted you’re the mother but what guidelines did you use for invitations. I think Fern said it correctly, either invite all the same gender or ask your child to invite one friend if you’re that worried about costs. Before casting the stone, think who you snubbed.

  3. OMG!!!! My kids are 32, 30 & 28. Thank goodness I’m “just a grandma” now and don’t have these problems. Never did I experience these mommy snubs, nor hand them out. Obviously “back then” we had more important things to do and worry about than if our kid got invited to a birthday party.

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