Are All Guys Basically A-Holes? Sexpert Amber Madison On the Surprising Truth
Sexpert Amber Madison traveled around the country and interviewed over 1,000 guys about sex, love, and dating for her book Are All Guys A**holes?
-The Betty Editors
Sexpert (and BettyConfidential contributer) Amber Madison traveled around the country and interviewed over 1,000 guys about sex, love, and dating for her book Are All Guys A**holes? What she found completely challenges many of the “facts” we think we know about men. BettyConfidential sat down with her to talk about her new book and the truth about men, sex and relationships.
BettyConfidential: What was one of the most surprising things you discovered while researching this book?
Amber: There were a lot of surprises! Here are a few:
*Men and women aren’t really that different, especially in our relationship needs. Guys are absolutely emotional creatures, they’ve just been taught to act like they’re not. If you want a healthy relationship with a guy, you have to treat him with the same care you might assume is demanded by a girl.
*99 percent of guys say they’d want a relationship if the right girl came along … guys want relationships!
*Only 8 percent of guys say their primary interest in women is someone to sleep with … guys want more than just sex!
Betty: What advice would you give to women who are dealing with confusing male behavior?
Amber: Take a guy’s actions at face value. If he’s not making a consistent effort to see you or talk to you, and you don’t really feel liked, don’t sit around and analyze his actions — end it. If he was acting how he was supposed to and treating you well, you wouldn’t be worrying, everything would just be easy.
Betty: What should you do if you’re really into a guy who keeps acting like an a**hole?
Amber: Never tolerate a guy disrespecting you or treating you badly, even if—in fact, especially if—you really like him. No person, guy or girl, is going to fall in love with someone her or she don’t respect. And if you are letting someone walk all over you, he will not respect you. Put your foot down, set ground rules for how you want to be treated, and if those rules aren’t being met, abandon the relationship.
Betty: How do guys feel about their gender as a whole?
Amber: So many guys would make blanket statements like, “All guys cheat,” “Guys just want to get laid,” or some other myth we have about men. Then you ask, “Would you do this?” or “Would you feel this way?” and they say “NO.” When guys speak on behalf of themselves as a gender they just repeat stereotypes. They all assume that they are the only ones who break the stereotype, when in reality, the majority of guys do. Fifty-five percent of guys said, “Romantically speaking most guys act like jerks to girls.” But only 15 percent of guys said they themselves were jerks.
Betty: Are there “a**hole” thoughts men have about women that they are afraid to admit, but felt comfortable telling you?
Amber: Actually, exactly the opposite. Guys are much more willing to say things that make them look bad than say things that make them look sensitive. Many times when I’d ask guys to talk about sex or relationships they’d revert to these “guyisms” like “the hunt” or “the chase.” But when you ask them to really explain themselves, those aggressive terms actually come from sensitive and vulnerable places. Especially in groups, guys will be quick to make jokes that make them sound like freewheeling sex fiends, but when they open up and start talking more honestly they sound about the same as a group of girls. I can’t tell you how many guys would be cracking jokes about “slaying bitches” and then it would come out five minutes later they were in long term relationships with girls they were head over heels in love with and would never dream of cheating on.
Are there a**holes out there? For sure. But it’s not the majority of guys….even if the majority of guys like to talk like they are.
Check out Amber’s awesome new book, Are All Guys A**holes? It will totally change with way you look at men. We promise! We loved it so much we’re running an excerpt tomorrow!
Amber Madison is the author of Hooking Up: A Girl’s All-Out Guide to Sex and Sexuality, and is the sex columnist for Seventeen Magazine.
Read more on Amber Madison’s website: www.AreAllGuysA**holes.com