Yes, it’s good to turn to your girlfriends for advice on guys because they offer two perspectives: that of an outsider (always good—somebody’s got to tell you if your relationships is just wack!) and that of an insider—someone who knows you through and through, and knows in the long run what will and simply won’t work for you. But you run into a couple of issues by gabbing about your guy too much.
Cloud 9 or Storms Ahead
There are two reasons girls go on and on about their relationship. Either because it is grrreeeat!….or because it is falling apart.
Yes, your girlfriends want to be there for you and steer you away from any potentially unhealthy, and, worse-case, heartbreaking path. But if you are coming to them with essentially the same complaints about your guy every week, and they’re having to shell out the same advice again, and again (enough already!), your girlfriends might start to feel you don’t actually value their opinion. You’re clearly not putting it into action!
And after being the one who is always “going through a crisis” (and who just seems to do most of the chatting on girls night out) your friends might stop sharing with you what’s going on in their lives. Not out of spite necessarily, but just out of the fact that it is So Damn Exhausting spilling your heart out to someone who you know isn’t listening…
Once your relationship either settles down or ends (depending on whether you’re pissed off or praising the guy) you may find that you are TOTALLY out of touch with your girlfriends. You had no idea one of them had been promoted/laid off/dumped/got into med school etc. Why? Because you were always so occupied by your own issues.
You’ve heard it before, I’m sure. But your girlfriends will ALWAYS be there. Sure, there are some that come and go. But you know by now the ones who are sticking around. I am not saying your man is headed out the door. There is no certainty in that. But, there is certainty in the fact that when you call up your girlfriends, unable to speak, heaving sobs over a breakup, they will be there.
So be there for them, too.
Want To Stay In The Relationship…Think Like A Single Chick
It isn’t just your friendships you need to worry about while you are gasping for air, trying to get out every last tedious (and maybe insignificant) detail of your relationship while your friend has started to visualize the TV Guide in her head- anything that’s NOT your issues. Consider this—he fell for you in the first place as the person you were when you were SINGLE. Yes, there is bound to be a little changing and compromising in every relationship, and you don’t want to be an un-giving cold-hearted bitch. But, the matter of fact is, the night he dropped that clever line at the bar and offered you that first drink, you were your single self with all your single-girl thoughts on your mind. Whether those be your career, your family, your travels, or even your puppy. He fell for the personality that came out when you maintained a certain balance of focuses and passions.
What are you going to say next time he asks you, “What did you do today babe?” and your honest answer is, “Talked about you.”
I know, you’d NEVER be that honest but… if you have put all else aside in favor of rants and daydreams about your dude, you may find yourself at a loss to give a very stimulating conversation.
Always keep your close friends updated on your dating life. It is a major bonding element of all friendships and your friends are the ones who can give you the best insight into this guy who you are considering introducing to your parents, moving in with, marrying… But don’t let your relationship make up the majority of your thoughts and conversations, to the point that you can’t remember what it was like to NOT have the guy around… and neither can your friends.
Tell us: are you guilty of talking too much about your guy?
Julia Austin is a lifestyle and relationship writer living in Los Angeles.