See if this pattern sounds familiar:
You spend hours making your boyfriend’s favorite meal. He comes home. He is thrilled. He picks you up and twirls you around the room. Okay, sorry, this isn’t The Notebook. But, you’ve obviously pleased him.
Then a day goes by, two days, a weak…where the hell is YOUR homemade meal?? I’m not saying we give in order to receive. It’s just as my guy friend put it, “women just want to feel appreciated. But they make it so damn hard for us to make them feel that way!”
Whether you’re waiting for some nice surprise like a homemade dinner, or you were just hoping for him to look at you extra admiringly after you made him dinner, you’re not getting the response you’d hoped for.
So, naturally, what do you do? You give again. That’s got to be the way to get something back, right? How about a new season of his favorite TV show wrapped in a bow on his pillow? Maybe you plan a getaway weekend.
And so the viscous cycle begins. It happens. Believe me, I’ve done it. Here’s the problem with this solution of giving and giving and giving—you don’t give the guy a chance to give back. Within a week you’ve made him dinner, bought him gifts, planned a party and he is thinking “how the hell am I supposed to make her happy?”
This Is Where You Get Dumped
If a guy doesn’t think he can make a woman happy, he will leave. When I said it makes a guy happy to make you happy, did I mention that it’s also a selfish thing on his part? Your reaction of jumping up and down and thanking him with kisses (or whatever…) for what he’s done for you confirms him as a good boyfriend, and as a man. Not the Lakers Teddy Bear you left on his bed. And not Valentines Day decorations you put all over his room. No. Doing something for YOU is what makes him feel like a man. And that’s what I meant by gender roles.
I know it’s tempting when you’re waiting for him to make a step to just go ahead and take five steps yourself. But wait. He will come to you, with flowers and candy and the new Sex and the City movie in hand. And if he doesn’t, it’s not because you didn’t give enough. So get off Amazon and stop trying to find him that autographed copy of Pulp Fiction. It’s his turn to do something for you!