Ask The Mouthy Housewives: Is It Bad to Lie About Faking It?
Or: more to the point … should we ever fake it?
-The Mouthy Housewives
Joining us here at BettyConfidential … The Mouthy Housewives! These lovely, models of decorum (Kelcey, Wendi, Marinka, Kristine and Tonya) want our lives to be as fabulous as theirs, thus they’re happy to ignore their families to give us smart, cheeky advice. So pop open a box of rosé, put on your favorite Barry Manilow CD and let the Housewives Swiffer away your troubles … Every week they’ll be answering burning questions from readers.
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
My husband asked me if I’ve ever faked an orgasm with him. I said “Of course not!” and he said “I thought everyone did.” It was no big deal to him, but now I’m wondering what’s wrong with me that I can’t admit to faking it every once in a while.
I Faked It and Then I Lied
Dear I Faked It,
Sometimes it truly is OK to fake it. For example, if you and your husband are running 45 minutes late for dinner with friends and he suddenly turns to you as you’re half way out the door and says, “Do I look alright?” – turn to him with a big smile and say “Honey, you look great.” And then maybe the next time you go out, suggest that pairing a jean jacket with jeans might be a touch heavy on the denim.
To facilitate a smooth, happy marriage it’s necessary to sugarcoat things by sprinkling a white lie here and there. But the bedroom is not one of those times.
Unless you have divine superwoman powers (and if you do, market them immediately so you can bask in your glorious riches), you likely will not have an orgasm every time you are intimate with your husband. And that’s OK. On those occasions, don’t make your husband work endlessly in his futile attempt to get you to the promise land. Just let your spouse know that for some reason (that has nothing to do with him), it’s just not happening for you on this particular evening and he should relinquish all thoughts of baseball and bring it home for the both of you.
There is just no benefit to misleading your spouse into thinking you’re having an orgasm when you’re not. Because maybe you two can work together over time to make your orgasms more frequent. Or maybe you just have to imagine George Clooney all naked and sweaty and in your bedroom. Whatever works.
And save your “faking it” for when your husband makes you a lasagna dinner from his mother’s homemade recipe that tastes like shredded rubber tires. Just turn to him and say, “I love it and I love you for making it.”
Good luck to you,
Kelcey, The Mouthy Housewives
The Mouthy Housewives spend our days solving the world’s problems and our nights playing classical piano and reading fine literature. Or maybe just yelling at reality TV shows. Need our help? Send your question to firstname.lastname@example.org. (All questions are confidential.) And you can find more smart, cheeky advice at The Mouthy Housewives.