Ask The Mouthy Housewives: Is Porn a Deal Breaker?

Can his - er, extracirricular activities drive a wedge between you and your guy?

Ask The Mouthy Housewives: Is Porn a Deal Breaker?

Can his – er, extracirricular activities drive a wedge between you and your guy?

-The Mouthy Housewives

internet porn

Joining us here at BettyConfidential … The Mouthy Housewives! These lovely, models of decorum (Kelcey, Wendi, Marinka, Kristine and Tonya) want our lives to be as fabulous as theirs, thus they’re happy to ignore their families to give us smart, cheeky advice. So pop open a box of rosé, put on your favorite Barry Manilow CD and let the Housewives Swiffer away your troubles … Every week they’ll be answering burning questions from readers.

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

I just started dating this guy and I made an impromptu stop at his apartment. The door was unlocked so I walked in and found my new boyfriend masturbating to porn. I was so stunned that I just ran out of the apartment. We haven’t talked in over a day and I’m so embarrassed. Why does he need porn when we just started dating?! And how do I clear the air and start over? I really like this guy. Is this “spanking the monkey” incident going to kill our new relationship?

Signed,

Sandra Dee

Dear Sandy,

Cool! What kind of porn? Assuming that no domestic or farm animals were involved and it was your run of the mill, “I’m here to fix the sink, ma’am, but let me unzip my pants first” type– great news! You’re dating a man. Men like porn. Porn is good, according to man. And in this Mouthy’s opinion, porn, like masturbation, in moderation, is perfectly healthy and normal. Poetic, isn’t it?

I can’t tell you why he masturbates when the two of you just started dating. It could be because he’s thinking of you. Or me. Or because it feels good. Of all the sexual acts that he could be doing, masturbation is the least upsetting.

Read Ask The Mouthy Housewives: Is It Bad to Lie About Faking It?

Don’t feel bad that you ran out of the apartment. For better or worse, we spend most of our lives not walking in on pornographic masturbators (healthy and normal though they may be), so it’s not surprising that you didn’t stick around to make small talk.

But if you want to pursue this relationship, put your big girl pants on and call him. Chances are, he is embarrassed as well and will be relieved to hear from you. Go ahead, break the ice. Since it’s been over a day, ask him if he’s done yet.

Look at it this way, you got a super-awkward episode out of the way and you’ll have a great story to tell your grandkids one day.

Good Luck,

Mystery Mouthy (Can You Guess Which One?)

The Mouthy HousewivesThe Mouthy Housewives spend our days solving the world’s problems and our nights playing classical piano and reading fine literature. Or maybe just yelling at reality TV shows. Need our help? Send your question to ask@mouthyhousewives.com. (All questions are confidential.) And you can find more smart, cheeky advice at The Mouthy Housewives.


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