Ask The Mouthy Housewives: My Husband, King Of Porn, Won't Have Sex With Me

What's a girl to do when her husband won't put out?

Ask The Mouthy Housewives: My Husband, King Of Porn, Won’t Have Sex With Me

What’s a girl to do?

-The Mouthy Housewives

An unhappy woman sitting with her partner

Joining us here at BettyConfidential … The Mouthy Housewives! These lovely, models of decorum (Kelcey, Wendi, Marinka, Kristine and Tonya) want our lives to be as fabulous as theirs, thus they’re happy to ignore their families to give us smart, cheeky advice. So pop open a box of rosé, put on your favorite Barry Manilow CD and let the Housewives Swiffer away your troubles … Every week they’ll be answering burning questions from readers.

Dear Mouthy Housewives,

I’m 28 and have been married for 2 years. The problem is that since we got married, we’ve had sex all of 15 times. (I’m counting!) We had premarital sex and he enjoyed it then; it was the first time for both of us.

But now he is full of excuses! When we go to bed, he’s tired, has a headache, or hurt himself “down there” while bathing, etc. I’m sure he isn’t cheating on me. Instead, he has the largest collection of porn in the city, and he spends a lot of time watching it. He masturbates enough, so everything must work “down there.”

When I ask why we don’t have sex, he says I don’t turn him on anymore. Other than the sex, he’s a great husband. But I’m still worried about our sex life and if I’m doing something to turn him off.

Can you help?

Signed,

Wife of Porn King

Dear Wife of Porn King,

Some people might advise you to make more of an effort to entice your husband, such as buying a wardrobe of kinky lingerie and practicing Kama Sutra. But then, some people are prime candidates for a lobotomy.

Others might tell you to turn the porn viewing into a couple’s experience and join him in the masturbation fest. But then again, others need their brain rewired through electric shock treatments.

Read Ask The Mouthy Housewives: Is Porn a Deal Breaker?

I, on the other hand, believe in taking the spiritual path to solve problems large and small, so I consulted the holiest of holy books, The Bible. In it, I found sage advice, which I think applies to your situation.

In OMFG 2:15, it said this:

Get thyself to a marriage counselor quickithly

I recommend you follow the scripture.

It also can’t hurt to drive your husband down to Hattiesburg, MS and let him room with Tiger Woods at the residential treatment center; it sounds like they have some things in common. Who knows, maybe your husband can not only get help with his porn addiction (it sounds as if he is addicted) but also on his golf swing too.

That’s the best I can do for you, oh Lady Wife of the Porn King. We Mouthy Housewives are astute when it comes to human behavior, but we’re also smart enough to know when a problem needs professional help, and sex addictions fall into that category.

Signed,

Heather, The Mouthy Housewives

P.S. What in the world is your husband bathing with, a Brillo pad?

The Mouthy HousewivesThe Mouthy Housewives spend our days solving the world’s problems and our nights playing classical piano and reading fine literature. Or maybe just yelling at reality TV shows. Need our help? Send your question to ask@mouthyhousewives.com. (All questions are confidential.) And you can find more smart, cheeky advice at The Mouthy Housewives.


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0 thoughts on “Ask The Mouthy Housewives: My Husband, King Of Porn, Won't Have Sex With Me

  1. drstove says:

    It appears to me as though Heather saw the word “porn” and assumed the husband is some kind of sex pervert that requires treatment. Instead of scolding the husband for watching porn how about asking some pertinent questions? The wife said he enjoyed sex before the marriage. How much less did she weigh before the marriage. Perhaps the reason he watches porn is because the women are thin and attractive. Assuming all is well there, what is wrong with the suggestion that she join him in watching porn? Perhaps she will learn what turns him on and suggest it is more fun doing it than watching it. To just assume the guy is a pervert that requires treatment is cruel without having all of the facts, and not all of the facts are provided in the wife’s letter.

  2. meredlp says:

    Any guy that is into porn in any way is going to think you are boring.
    He’s into born because he needs constant different excitement. You married the wrong guy. No woman can excite a guy like this all the time as a wife, any kind of long term relationship. If the man in question hasn’t grown mentally to the point where he can have a sexually respected companion in his life , then HE DOESNT LOVE YOU. Get out of this relationship before try to be someone you are NOT trying to be someone you think he WANTS

  3. connie1118 says:

    what kind of porn is he watching? that should give you an indicator of what is going on in his head. He may be gay or have another woman;or he sees himself with one of the porn stars. Either way, if you are physically unfulfilled and he’s not making an attempt, I would get out of the marriage….NOW! while you are still young enough to find true happiness. I dated a guy like that once, we lived together for 3 years, never had sex, but he didn’t watch porn either. We broke up, he got married to someone else, now she looks really unhappy. Send him packing along with his porn dvd’s and don’t ever let porn be a part of your life with any other men.

  4. Elfwithabadge says:

    Marital relations are about giving; not receiving. If you keep giving and he keeps taking then it is not a marriage. As a former lifer military dude – I know men! Porn is like knowing what is in your own, and everyone else’s Christmas presents. An while this knowledge may appear be cool(?), It does nothing to satisfy the emotional build up, or release that comes from not knowing and experiencing surprise, and acknowledging that someone else thinks so much of you, that they would even attempt to please you.
    Take over his porn – just don’t appear in it!

  5. angel722 says:

    Been there, done that. Give him an ultimatum, grow up and get rid of the porn or sign the divorce papers now and spare yourself the grief.

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