Ask the Mouthy Housewives: Why Buy the Cow If You’re Lactose Intolerant?
What do you do if you’re in a sexless marriage?
Joining us here at BettyConfidential … The Mouthy Housewives! These lovely models of decorum (Kelcey, Wendi, Marinka, Kristine and Tonya) want our lives to be as fabulous as theirs, thus they’re happy to ignore their families to give us smart, cheeky advice. So pop open a box of rosé, put on your favorite Barry Manilow CD and let the Housewives Swiffer away your troubles … Every week they’ll be answering burning questions from readers.
Dear Mouthy Housewives,
I am a 21-year-old woman and got married 25 days ago ( we were engaged for 2 and a half months). We have not had sex even once. I just don’t have any feelings towards him and can’t seem to get turned on.
In my defense, he does not seem to get turned on by me that much either. We are both nice-looking, not hideous and straight. I just don’t know why there’s no chemistry in this relationship.
Otherwise, he’s a great guy and is a very loving husband. What do you think I should do? I did try the lingerie and all that other stuff but I don’t have those kinds of feelings for him. I don’t want to be divorced, but I am not going to live in a sexless marriage! I am still a virgin.
Married Without Sex
Dear Married Without Sex,
I now know exactly how Joe Biden felt when he was debating Sarah Palin in the 2008 Vice Presidential Debate. Where do I begin?
You married someone for whom you have no sexual feelings. I suppose the good news is that the lack of these feelings is mutual. But I have to ask: were there no hints during your courtship that there was no chemistry between the two of you? Did you realize before the wedding that you thought of this man as a friend and not as a sexual partner?
Please know that there are plenty of non-hideous, wonderful people who are not attracted to each other. These people can be great friends, but they probably shouldn’t get married. At least not to each other.
You should talk to your husband, in the presence of a therapist, to discuss your lack of sexual feelings towards each other, and how you both feel about the marriage. Although I personally can’t imagine that an entirely sexless marriage could be happy one, I admit that it does leave a lot of time for things like TV viewing.
Beyond the joint session with your husband, I would also recommend that you speak to a counselor individually in order to get some insight into why you entered this marriage. You say that your husband is a great guy– you owe it to both of you to address this now. And not with lingerie, with a diplomas-on-the-wall professional.
The Mouthy Housewives spend our days solving the world’s problems and our nights playing classical piano and reading fine literature. Or maybe just yelling at reality TV shows. Need our help? Send your question to firstname.lastname@example.org. (All questions are confidential.) And you can find more smart, cheeky advice at The Mouthy Housewives.