Ask Your Friend…Ask Your Shrink: I’m In Love With Another Man
A cheating woman is torn between her family and her lover.
-Libby Keatinge and Dr. Morris Halperin
Dear Libby and Dr. Halperin,
My problem is… I love another man who is not my husband…. he is married too… and he said he loves me….
I have children and he has children too.
What can i do???
-Problem in the U.S.A.
Hey, Problem, well you definitely are in a situation. I think the first thing you need to realize is that your marriage was obviously not ok if you were able to fall in love with another man. Now you have to decide, is this new relationship really love or was it just a way out of your current unhappy situation or some other “thing” other than love. Even if it is love, ultimately you have to do what is best for yourself and your children.
Leaving your relationship for another person is rarely a good move. It just puts way too much pressure on the new person and relationship. What if you leave your husband, and put your current life situation in a state of chaos for this new guy, and then it doesn’t work out? Will you resent him and blame him in the future for changing your life for him? Even if it does work out, you might always harbor feelings of having “changed your life for him.” It may come up in future arguments or discussions. What if he wants to have a boys’ night out and you don’t want him to? Will you blame him because you changed your life for him and not want him to go simply because “he owes you?”
If you think leaving your current relationship is the best move for you and your kids, do it because it is the best move for you and your kids. Don’t do it for someone else. Think long and hard about what is the best thing to do and heavily weigh the fact that this new relationship may not work out. If you are comfortable with leaving and possibly ultimately being on your own, then maybe that is the right move. If you feel you and your current husband have a chance to work things out then you might want to go in that direction. Either way, do not make a decision based on what he or your other guy might think or feel. Do what is best for you and will make you the best parent to your children.