The Boyfriend Recovery Plan

A beauty editor's revenge guide to looking good

Beauty + Style Editor

The Boyfriend Recovery Plan

A beauty editor’s revenge guide to looking good

-Lois Joy Johnson

Girl in ClosetRight before Christmas I attended a girl’s lunch for a glamorous friend (let’s call her D.) who had just broken up with her boyfriend of three years.

Pity because we all loved him – looked like Jude Law, had a super-successful career in entertainment law, was funny, kind and treated our friend like a goddess. There was no baggage on either side, no unexpected work-related issues, no drama-rama. What was the big problem? Turns out as the relationship progressed, they moved in together and D. “let-herself-go” and tried to compensate with expensive fixes. She stopped working out as much, gained ten pounds, acquired a tanning addiction, over-blonded, wore loose empire dresses, got one filler too many at her dermatologist and had his initials tattooed on her left wrist. He cheated (with a minor celebrity client), he left, D. was devastated. I devised a comeback plan to give D. back her power. We gave it six months and it worked in two. Looking good is the best revenge, as Tory Burch, Christie Brinkley and Ellen Barkin well know. Here it is, for all you Bettys having a bummer summer. Your new to-do list starts now with my 7 ultimate beauty tips for a total turnaround by fall.

Kim Kardashian1. Pick up the slack. Think Kim Kardashian or Salma Hayek.
Go out and get yourself some new sexy bras and body shapers. Start wearing fitted clothes like pencil skirts and sleeveless sheath dresses. Put those boyfriend jeans, big slouchy cardigans and loose tops in the back of the closet.

2. Get rid of all the fakery or at least minimize it. Think Jessica Biel or Padma Lakshmi.
The only imitations allowed are big faux jewels and teeth whitening. Love the skin you’re in. Get back to your real skintone with silky smooth scrubs, scented bath oils and body creams. Buff your nails to a sensual pink sheen. Give your natural haircolor a go or at least a more realistic version of the shade you want. No more spray tans, fake tans, or OMG (!) tanning beds; no more eyelash or hair extensions, over-done highlights, or French pedicures. Buh-bye!

Blake Lively3. Deflate. Think Blake Lively or Nathalie Portman.
Get a grip. You don’t need trout pout lip injections (you will not look like Angelina Jolie) big cheeks injected with Sculptra (you will not look like Madonna), too much Botox in the forehead (you will not look like Nicole Kidman.) And just forget about breast implants!

4. Cut your hair. Think Marion Cotillard in Public Enemies or Heidi Klum.
A crisp bob or some waves is looking good. Switch to a looser, more relaxed blow-dry. Add big hot-rollers for five minutes to get a little more volume and texture.

Jennifer Aniston SmartWater5. Use downtime as spa-time. Think Jennifer Aniston in those Glacial SmartWater ads.
• Drink plain water not soda, sip green-ginger tea instead of vanilla soy lattes, chew parsley not gum and you’ll minimize bloat.
• Read books on nutrition and style instead of best-sellers. Try Gillian McKeith’s Food Bible How To Use Food To Cure What Ails You ($20, Plume, 2009)
Mangos are natural mood elevators, and so are avocados, fish, nuts and seeds!
• Make yourself laugh out loud with Simon Doonan’s Eccentric Glamour ($24, Simon & Schuster, 2008)Beyonce

6. Keep up appearances. Think Beyonce or Leighton Meester.
Men notice your grooming – or lack of it – not your $2000 bag or leopard Jimmy Choos. Get your teeth whitened, your cuticles groomed, your mustache waxed. Get eight hours sleep. If you’re not having sex you might as well put the time to good use and night is when those cells regenerate. Hydrate your hair like crazy (masks, moisturizing conditioners) and ditch the flat-iron.

Jessica Biel7.Make a deal with your body to do some exercise every day.
Think Jessica Alba or Cameron Diaz.

Do Pilates with workout bands while watching Rachel Maddow, rescue a shelter dog and take it for long walks (a very good way to meet new men FYI) or run at dawn with a friendly iPod.

P.S – D. is single and having the time of her life, so please send these beauty tips on to a friend in need.


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0 thoughts on “The Boyfriend Recovery Plan

  1. LookitsCynthia says:

    These are amazing tips that every woman should adhere by! Love them.

  2. mk_ultra says:

    Summer is the WORST time to go through a break-up! Sigh…

  3. hope_xo says:

    Great advice!

  4. kitty says:

    This is great advice to follow ANY time — would probably help prevent some breakups! Feeling good about yourself = feeling happy and positive = being a better partner.

  5. lotsowritin25 says:

    kimmy k’s a$$ is WAY too big for her own good

  6. rosie818 says:

    Love it! I’m gonna show my friend who’s going through a break-up. Unfortunately I doubt she’ll break her tanning addiction

  7. Fern says:

    OK — except do NOT change your hair dramatically immediately after a breakup. You’re already going through some trauma, so give yourself at least a month before you chop it all off!

  8. Strong and Quirky says:

    love it love it love it! definitely passing this on. Carrie used some of these tips in Sex & The City The Movie

  9. jjhorowitz says:

    This is the best – most useful – advice to be used ALL OF THE TIME. I am going to look into getting my teeth whitened and now I can justify my weekly manicures! THANK YOU!

  10. ErinW says:

    The way to recover is to love yourself and show ‘em what they’re missing!

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