Dating More Than One Person At A Time: Is It OK or Not OK?
To date or not to date multiple people at once?
I’m not skilled enough to date more than one person at a time. I learned that my junior year of college when I dated three different girls at once. I confused conversations, couldn’t keep track of the actual date nights because I was scared to write the dates down on paper and risk one of the girls I was dating at the time finding out about the other girls, and occasionally made up lame excuses why I couldn’t hang out on a given night, even though the reality was I had a date planned with someone else. Sometimes it felt like I went on a first date with a girl I had already gone on a few dates with because I couldn’t remember anything about her. I must have acted like my grandpa at dinner telling the girls the same stories over and over because I couldn’t recall what stories I had already told each of them.
Technically, I knew I wasn’t doing anything unethical. I wasn’t in a committed relationship or dating any of the girls exclusively. But my moral compass told me differently. Call it Catholic guilt. Instead of enjoying the company of the three girls I was dating and loving my awesome situation – having a surplus of attractive, fun, and smart girls to hang out with – I was constantly worried that I was doing something wrong.
“If no rules have been established, it’s fair game to date around and even hook up with other people,” Sabrina, a 33-year old, New York City event planner said. “That’s gotten me into trouble before, but if a guy wants exclusivity with me he has to earn it.”
But where did the “dating multiple people at once is cool” rule come from? I think we all just make the rules up as we go along and either hide behind them or stand firmly against them. Dating multiple people at once, committed or not, just seems wrong to some people, even if others say it’s the way to go.
“I prefer dating one girl because dating multiple girls is something for the young and foolish,” Landon, a 27-year old director in Los Angeles said. “In order to succeed at dating multiple girls, you must maintain a strict discipline. You need to keep track of all information, every lie told, the schedule for all parties involved and every strategy, and this must be committed to memory, because god forbid someone finds something you wrote down. Then you are in a real mess.”
Dating multiple people at once isn’t all about the risk of getting caught though. It also has to do with your personal beliefs about what is right and wrong, especially when other peoples’ emotions are involved.