Dating The Alpha Male

Heidi Isern tells us what it's like to date an alpha male.

Betty Blogger

Dating The Alpha Male

-Heidi Isern

the alpha maleThe elusive alpha male has been the recent talk of the town. His name is whispered in wine bars, cursed in clubs and swooned over in unsuspecting places…such as the cardio section of the local health club.

It’s time high time we dissect this unique species and uncover why every woman covets him, yet is made miserable by him.

Why we covet Alphas
How many times have you ordered the heart-healthy fruit platter for dessert when the flourless chocolate cake was next on the list? I see. Than why would you rather pursue something simple and good for you than the attractive, thrilling, yet all together heart-unhealthy alpha male?

Even though we know we would likely be better off with a ‘beta’ male version that comes with a conscience, we remain stubbornly attracted to alpha model-dangerously high testosterone levels, confidence bordering on cocky, power that stems from said confidence and a high profile career and car to back it all up.

The Alpha Male’s Natural Environment
The Alpha male, when not in important boardroom meetings, is found doing deals on the golf course, winning a race in some elite sport category and frequenting trendy bars filled with beautiful women.

The Alpha male goes to these trendy bars for one sole purpose: hunting. The Alpha male is a supreme hunter and easily captures his prey within minutes of buying them a glass of wine. “Easier” women fall victim to his charms instantly and are often confused as to how they ended up in his bedroom. Sadly, they really do believe he will call them the next day. Experienced women stay far away and monitor from a safe distance. They do not want to be pulled in by his charm.

The Alpha Male Psyche
The Alpha male cares first and foremost about himself. You certainly won’t see him volunteering with one-armed children in Uganda … unless there are major business connections to be made or a slew of Brazilian models volunteering there as well. The Alpha male won’t do anything unless there is some personal value to his world.

Driven by his need for self-actualization, the Alpha male requires constant challenges and competition. The Alpha male will seek out the latest sport to both keep his adrenaline levels high and prove his self worth. If you want to hang out with the alpha male, you must be prepared to indulge his need for challenges on double black diamond ski slopes, high-stakes tables at Vegas and new miles per hour records in his sports car.

The Alpha Male in Relationships
The alpha male views everything in his world as a temporary conquest–from ski slopes to business deals to the new hottest woman. However, sometimes the Alpha male gets confused from accidentally watching ‘When Harry Met Sally’ or talking too long to his mother. “Why, my Alpha son won’t you settle down?”

He tries to repent and immediately forms a relationship with the current women he has hunted (dated). For a while he does well, tries to make compromises, and may even replace his Saturday night boxed seat Giants tickets with an outing to the ballet. His has visions of having children as part of his legacy. But then the glitter of a relationship wears off and the Alpha male becomes restless. He decides to let the girl go…and focus on himself again.

But why do we even date Alphas in the first place? I ask around the city…

“We are drawn to testosterone. Pure and simple. We want the strongest and most powerful. That’s what mattered in cave man days….not sensitivity or willingness to see a Sarah McLaughlin concert with us.”

“Hey, we like the chase too! An alpha male is more of a challenge!”

“Power is sexy. Listening to our feelings isn’t.”

“Well, I’m over them and their Alpha attitudes. Kind hearted generosity is sexier to me any day. Give me Aidan, not Mr. Big.”

I wonder, and ask my readers, how much alpha in a male do we need? Is a hybrid version available? And is it possible to ever have an alpha male that has a chance of being a decent guy?

Read Heidi’s last blog, “Can a girl find passion AND stability?

Read Heidi’s full blog.

follow BettyConfidential on... Pinterest

Read More About...
Related Articles...

9 thoughts on “Dating The Alpha Male

  1. Hilarious! But — I contend that a TRUE alpha male does not have to be an a*^hole to prove his alphaness… I think what are you are talking about here are plane old grade A douchebags.

  2. You ladies can’t help it. I am 41, recently divorced, 240lb construction worker, with a bald spot. I have a pleasant face and an easygoing manner.
    Since I started not being so nice, I get more women willing to talk, dance, and (gasp) sleep with me. I refuse to buy a woman a drink until I have talked with her at least an hour. (That way I know I actually like her or not.) Few women have that much of a problem with that. The old Jeff would buy all drinks all night and get nothing but light conversation all night.
    Now I get phone numbers, dates, and sometimes sex. You want the “alpha male”, its part of your psyche. Deal with it.

  3. Jeffery19677, I think you have not suddenly become an alpha male overnight, perhaps you've simply grown up a bit, becoming more relaxed and confident…and started to treat women as if they were actual human beings…you won't buy a woman a drink before you've talked to her to know if you "actually like her or not", is hardly an alpha male attitude. The conquest is more important, liking does not come into it. And women have responded to you positively….because the sexiest thing in men, maybe even before money, is confidence. Confidence also works brilliantly for women too.

    True alpha males are usually wealthy (or they pretend to be). It's part of being on top and superior to every other male in sight. Unfortunately for them, women are hard-wired to instinctly seek out wealthy mates so that they can be provide for any children. That's one of the main reasons why alpha males seem to be so attractive to women – apart from danger and excitement. But the attraction will wear off on both sides pretty quickly, especially if they marry. He will soon be bored and start hunting again. She cannot escape the money trap that she's constructed for herself. I feel sorry for them all. I'm so glad to be out of my relationship with an alpha many years ago. We are still friends (he has few friends) and after divorces and years of unemployment, most of the selfishness and arrogance has beaten out of him. I always had a good job/money and it was only recently that I realized that during our whole relationship, he was not my lover, but my competitor. I can't tell you how miserable and unhappy I was. I'm so glad to have my wonderful beta mate now. Beta's are also much better in bed!

  4. Lizzy I think you are oversimplifying that’s not true in a lot of ways. Most girls go for who they think is the Alpha male. Often thats the douche bag, because it is easier to become the Alpha male if you put everyone else down and yourself first, just like it is easier to become the “popular” girl if you are a bitch. By putting others down people assume you are superior. But a true Man, Alpha or not has friends who he treats right. He treats girls right and isn’t afraid of a committed relationship. He may get restless after he’s been with a girl for too long but a good girlfriend will notice and rather than get bitchy with him or snippy will step up her game a bit and show him while he picked her in the first place. She’ll bake him a cake, or come home early to prepare a sexy surprise for him. I am very much the alpha male, all my friends come to me for advice, I command the room when I enter. I keep myself fit, I drive a luxury sports car, I work as a film producer and director. I do this while usually giving more than I take from everybody. I also am reasonably sure I am good in bed if my track record is any indicator (there are a few things girls can’t fake). My biggest two flaws are that I get bossy and I am over critical. I also loose my temper in the rare case I find someone more “Alpha” than me, because 9 times out of 10 they ARE a douche bag. I have met only two people in my entire life that are more “Alpha” than me and are not douchebags. I know reading this you will think I am just and arrogant douchebag like the rest of them and few of you will believe me. In fact often girls won’t even give me the chance because they assume this is the case, but most of my exes are either still friends of mine or trying to get me back, I have friends who would do anything for me and I don’t care if you believe me or not. I am just saying we are out there. As for me however, I am in a relationship that has been going strong for 3 years now, so I am content.

Leave a Reply

top of page jump to top