Decoding Dating Profiles Part II: 10 More Guys You Want To Avoid
If his online dating profile has any of these red flags… move on to the next one, sweetheart!
My original top 10 dating profile red flags intended to save you the ridiculous amount of time that I have now forever lost by corresponding with and/or going out with some total losers I met online was apparently very popular. So, I’ve gone on to provide you with ten more guys to avoid!
Disclaimer: To any of the men whose online dating profiles inspired and unknowingly lent to the quotes that comprise my post, let’s all hope for your sake that knowing is truly half the battle.
1. “Bonus Point” Guy
You know this guy, the dude that gives “bonus points” for anything and everything. If you “have cookie baking and/or cookie eating skills,“ check this out, you get bonus points. If you’re as comfortable in Manolos as you are in flip-flops or hiking boots, in his book you are the recipient of MAJOR bonus points. Trust me when I say the bonus to you comes from avoiding this guy who clearly likes to play “games” and keep “score.” He will spend the majority of your relationship playing Wii or X-Box in his undying quest to accumulate “points.”
Here’s a hint: if a guy’s dating profile requires a dictionary to understand, including him seeing “remuneration as a somewhat limited levy of attainment,” forget the dictionary and allow me to translate: I am an insecure guy who will overcompensate for my shortcomings by constantly talking over your head in an attempt to impress you with my knowledge of really big words. P.S. I also suck in bed and will therefore incorporate my SAT vocabulary into talking dirty to you, so as to hopefully distract you from what will probably be the “nadir [lowest point] of coitus [sex] of your entire being [life].”
3. “Disclaimer” Guy
Any guy that actually feels the need to share with you in his profile that he’s not a “guido who’s life revolves around the gym,” an “angry person,” “gay, confused,” nor has he “ever experimented in college,” does NOT require any additional reading. If he describes himself as being “straight, like your gay friend that you can also have sex with,” you may want to go as far as to flag his profile as inappropriate.
4. “Novel” Guy
If a guy’s profile requires scrolling down just to get to the half-way point, you should probably click “next” without hesitation. You’ll notice that he has exceeded the generous 1,000 characters that the majority of on-line dating sites allot. His “about me” write-up is probably abruptly cut off, but not before he was able to squeeze in, “If there’s anything else you would like to know about me, feel free to ask.” Trust me, when it comes to dating profiles, stick to the Cliff’s Notes versions.
5. To Catch A Predator
These are the guys that are over 35-years old and looking to meet someone 18 and over for a “serious relationship.” Seriously? You’re 42-years old, a high school teacher, have a 20-year old daughter and are open to dating 18-years olds? Feel free to “date” and potentially move in with this dude if you don’t mind him eventually leaving you for one of his students, or even worse, your future adopted teenage daughter, ala Soon-Yi style.